Saturday, October 31, 2009

Indian family

In a good time we went to Shubhy's house, in the beginning I was not sure if I should go, I was scare of I would feel pain as the other days and I would not enjoy to be outside, But probably because of the diet that I undertook today with more liquids I did feel more relax. It was a very good time to be again among her family. This home is almost as a retreat whenever I am going there. when I am coming back to my house I feel always much more relax and strong. And the best way to be in an Indian house is to be also Indian, and then we took it literally, as you can see us with our Indian vests. I am so proud of my kurta, It is beautiful and very comfortable.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Polish ahead

When I did not expect here I am again in bed, fighting this permanent pain and indisposition that appeared in the beginning of the week. I found lying on the bed the best place to relax and control the discomfort. If on Tuesday I will still have this I will speak with the surgeon to ensure again if this is normal.

Meanwhile, we canceled our booking to go to Poland in Christmas, the panorama changed since the time we booked the flight in August. Now, I am waiting for a likely operation even if I still do not know when. But, fortunately we got the refund of the tickets because the flight has also been disrupted, It was lucky.

In other part of the World Olivia has now the Walking process in her pocket, fortunately the Portuguese and Polish people moves the same way, as almost our ancient parents-the primate Ape. So, this made easier for her to learn how to walk. It is funny to witness her developed skills, not just walking and running with the other animals in the savanna, but also, doing already the first steps jumping from branch to branch, In the end of the day is in the trees where also her hairy father found more comfortable to live or survive. I am proud of her.

Unfortunately in the Language her life is more complicated than in the walking process, The Polish and Portuguese uses different grunts to express their selves. Olivia is still very confuse about which language she should start to speak, if Portuguese, Polish or English, And it is in this sphere where my primate relation with Justyna is cracking. There is a serious conflict between us related with each language should go firstly. I am upset because I think the Polish is now ahead.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Housing hunt

As I said several times this marathon is also about to try to be rational, in the good moments keep the feet on the ground but also in the bad moments be calm and do not despair. Sometimes there is a temptation to throw the towel to the floor to save pain and suffering but in those moments the best counselor is a good rest. Normally, I do with myself as I do with my mobile phone, putting on charge in the night.
Today was one of those bad days that I needed to take some strong breath in to remind me that everything will be alright in spite of all, Now it is the pain in the bowels that is worrying me, always that I eat the bowls strangles to digest, the food gets stake in somewhere. Few times I almost felt to collapse.

This afternoon we started our hunt for our next hut, the place was fine and had garden but the light was not enough for us. The light as the green space around will be the decisive factor in our future option. You should be thinking by this time, Why is this guys always moving, The reason is my aim, I am looking to recover from each operation in a different home :)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Granda trunfa

So today we woke up still attached to this limbo and looks that we will into that at least for one more week, From the yesterday's surgeon Dr Fusai reaction it looks like he will do the operation, It is strange but if necessary I will beg for that surgery. But nevertheless he wants to check all the new details with the Oncologist Dr Tim Meyer. Justyna even if she likes Dr Fusai very much, because of his brilliants operations against me or better my body and also for his strong resemblances with Richard Gere, nevertheless I believe she cannot hide some jealous from himself, in the end of the day the Dr surgeon knows me much better inside, literally until my entrails, than Justyna will know me at any time.
If in the last couple of days the pain in the back diminished but another pain appeared, and in last night was very strong. The pain is in the downer abdomen, probably in the bowels. About that the doctor yesterday said that after this kind of operations that I been submitted it is normal to the bowels take more than a year to gets the perfect position. I hope a lot of teas will sort out the problem soon.

Today Justyna was very happy because finally she received her parcel with Polish books, now she can read her preferred author, Gombrowicz.

Meanwhile I am competing with Olivia to see who will get the longest hair.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Life in the folder

When today I went for the appointment with Dr Fusai even if more or less I should expect all what could be said, but even though I was the same as usual, very nervous and focus in the time of get inside for the appointment. To distract and help me to pass the time I went alone for a walk in the Park before the hospital. In the end the nervous and tension that I felt had its reasons, today I would not listen any answer. A doctor from Fusai team said what we listen few months ago, that the problem found in the gland is not serious and he wants to see me only in three months, After that I was in panic, Because the oncologist few days ago said exactly the opposite, the tumour had grown and must come out as soon as possible. I could not believe, it was difficult to keep the strengths to argue and explain our reasons. Afterwards he understood that should be some misunderstand and went for a conversation with Dr Fusai. During that waiting time in his room me and Justyna did not want to believe that I will live with a Cancer inside even if it is not dangerous now.

But fortunately Dr Fusai came around and apologised for the fact that he did not meet yet with the Oncologist Dr Tim Meyar and he is also not updated with results from the Gallium scan, so he does not know the situation. Therefore he asked me to come in a week and by that time he will already discussed the situation and will tell me what to do. So, only after that we could relax and live in peace ...until next week.

I am sure that I am already well known in the corridors of the Hospital, not for myself but essential for my history, that is enclosed in a multi thousand pages folder, Wherever I go the process is there, weighting around 4 kilograms and almost the size of a desk, It is funny to see the doctors consulting my papers literally they need to embrace the pile. So much proud and tenure I fell for my folder . When I call for my appointments normally I introduce myself as the Helder of that big folder in front of you.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Auspicious day

Different things make me believe in a good day for tomorrow, the day that I will see the surgeon Dr Fusai, I do not want to have too much expectations, but at least the surgery would be scheduled. It is ridiculous but I would like to plan something ahead.

Early in the morning I moved to another physiotherapy session in the hospital. I have the slight sensation that have been some improvements in my back since I started, at the moment I am not taking pain killers and in the last days the pain has not been so present, I hope this is true and not only a sensation or hope.

Later we went to Veena's house to stay all day and night with her family, opportunity to see again Krishna as she come down to London. Olivia was out of her, She loves to spend time with Krishna and with Ben.

The day was great, we all enjoy the wonderful food and watched all the programs exhibited so far of Life, from the brilliant David Attenborough, It was a fantastic display of gracious from the all animals kind. Inspired by that but much better was the festival of three mammals taking a bath together. That is truth all our three elements from the family Assuncao could enjoy a bath together for the first time, The size of our bath never allowed us for this extravaganza. The young calf Olivia could restore her energies close to parents.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Living clockwise

I was looking forward to take advantage from the changing of the time last night, perhaps get one more hour sleep, but No, almost all the night I did not fall asleep. Different things contributed for that, Olivia, nervous, anxiety and also the sleeping time have been already swapped since a while ago. Thus, in the morning I woke up very sleepy and could not enjoy the sensation of getting one more hour in my Life. I will have the next six months to recover in order to do not suffer too much with the BST, That change in March is the worst to our body gets used.
It is amazing how the man created such a thing as the Time and become a slave of his own creation, For me the time tells me what to do when I do not know what to do. If it is lunch time I will sat down looking for food, If my owner-the Time approaches midnight I will laid down and waiting desperately for the sleepiness arrives. And I would never contradict my Lord, I could not afford to see him shorten my precious time, and knowing that we are always fighting with the lack of time this would be unbearable. I opted to follow the Law of the time. Only Olivia it did not bend yet to the rules of the dictatorship of the Time, Soon she she also will know what to count depending what the clockwise marks.

With so many changes I planned a very quiet day, just a go to the church, park and the rest at home.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Hormones must be crazy

With a very cost we managed to go out in the afternoon, I was very tired because of the high sugars. The body is such a machine, now that the body knowing I am about to have another surgery my sugars went again to high values, The chemicals in collaboration with the brain are the owner of my body. Is that small nervous and distress that even, that we think are in control but there is something deep that manages what we think are in control of. All my problems started with the hormones and continues with the same hormones. As you know the Cancer that I am suffering is related with the dysfunction of the hormones that started in the Cells that produce the insulin in the Pancreas and now has the continuation in another gland that is responsible for more hormones. Additionally, now when I want to fight the crazy hormones are those chemicals that some days brings me the tiredness and the bad mood turning more difficult the job. They are crazy but I am stubborn, so this is a game for a long time :)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Non stop

I will never get used to this big Fridays when I am meeting the Oncologist, It starts in the night before, The sleepless keeps me wandering in all kind of thoughts, result I am so tired and nervous in the morning but fortunately it is not me who needs to take decisions, Today I need to apologise to everybody, to Justyna and even to the doctor, I was bite over me, skimming the rudeness.

When I went inside the room for the appointment it was difficult to wait for what was the most important for me, The doctor took a couple of minutes to check all the results from the biopsy collected in the last endoscopy, During that time I looked in his screen and I saw so many things highlighted and combined with the time of waiting for his sentence I feared more troubles, In that long time I tried to cheat the destiny, just whistling to myself and look around the walls. But in the end the doctor said that the results are all normal and Justyna touched me and I felt much more released, So the next move will be the operation to remove that gland that produced the tumor. For coincidence I will meet the operator already next Tuesday so I hope I will get a date for the surgery, The operator should be my official fixer, the Dr Fusai. I will definitely ask him this time to incorporate a Zip in my belly in order to avoid more cuts in the future.

My body soon will look like the must popular prostitute in ancient Greece, wide open, With all the respects for the oldest profession of the humanity.

After the appointment we kept the tradition of going to the Hampstead Heath Park to relax and distend our bodies, After all this, as you can imagine the Sun in the face, the singing of the birds and Olivia pushing for me gets extra value, All the rest is not so important. Afterwards, I went again inside the Royal Free Hospital to have another physiotherapy session, a session of massages. During that time Olivia did a friend in the Park a small baby that also is fighting against the Cancer since her 6 months old. Big kiss to Luna. It is all the people that in same way is suffering and are not happy today that not allows me to be on the top at this moment. For my gift I treated myself with two books that I bought in a second hand shop, I look forward to start to read them.

In the afternoon my body asked for rest and I gave it. A good sleep with a good sound in the background, Very good time. In the evening Kasia & Rafi came to visit us, It was splendid way to finished the day together and accompanied with a lot of delicious snacks.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

My grandson Fozzy

Last night it was difficult to have a good sleep, and I will not be too much surprise if tonight I would experience the same, It is too much in game for tomorrow, but nevertheless I know that will be more life after tomorrow. The Oncologist will tell me what they found out in the stomach, I hope nothing apart of a piece of bread and some beans, and overall what will be the next move. It is a shame that in this appointments there is no space for negotiation between me and the Oncologist, He is always right, I need to accept straight his price. At least if we could agree something, like the next operation would be also the last one, mean that I would be release forever, but He does not accept this agreements, I understand, it is his job, he needs clients :)

Today surprisingly we found ourselves with another mouth to feed at home, Olivia appeared at home with a baby, Apparently I have a grandson Teddy bear, His body has some resemblances with me, special been hairy.

In the evening when we were coming home a lady was shouting on the phone and sat down in the edge of one bridge, like if she intended to jump, we were terrified but I think we did the best option calling to the Police, in couple of minutes came a big contingent of cops and smoothly they sort out with the help of a friend of that lady that come also around, Afterwards we could come home much more relax.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The perfect leaf

The gray days start to be a strong test to my strengths, mentally more than physical I am feeling in the verge and I know that I cannot give that away in this long fight. Everyday looks like a cycle that on the other hand is closed in another bigger cycle. I am sure that I will find an end for this. The patience and cold blood are more than just a words they are pivotal to deal with Cancer.

Indoors, we decided to not renew our tenancy agreement, the place is fine but there is too much humidity, Thus, we are up to leave at 4 December, Now urges the time to find another house. In spite of we are all busy and I probably have an operation booked for next month, but our healthy is also very important and the mold that we can find in the walls scares me.

Olivia likes to go out and any regular walk down the street for her is a discovery of the full world, She always finds a special leaf from the thousands in the floor, and she looks knowing everybody outside waiting to be invited for a tea.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Parabens Justyna

A special day we had today, with the help of the pain killers I was much more relaxed. My love had her birthday, We past a day like has been the last year, just with each other and Oli, We are happy without much. I was pleased when I been told by Justyna that this was a perfect day. We went to the centre and had a lovely walk around St James Park in the company of the animals that wanted to follow us. At home it was simple but very enjoyable diner.

Monday, October 19, 2009


My condition of habitue in Hospitals makes me reflect how am I still alive, I been reading the book about Famine in the Ireland, as you know it was a time in the middle of XIX century when a lot of Irish people perished due to the blight in the potato and also the lack of support from their stronger neighbour. The context is chaotic and really touching, The too old and too young found extra difficult to survive in the context of starvation, where everybody fights to survive. I cannot find a better period to witness the rule of the fittest, and the natural selection of the humanity law working. Fortunately, I born in different century and also I am Human being, even if sometimes does not look, otherwise a while ago I would be already lost the fight to survive and would be considered only a trouble, eating but no producing. For example it was only already last century that the diabetes become a disease not mortal. Therefore, I am grateful to the medicine but also to some organization that our civilization reached and to the most spirit of compassion of the Humanity. It is values that I wish all of you should keep in our minds and hearts, ever.

The muscles had today another lesson in the physiotherapy session, I had acupuncture, but in reality it did not work so well, today I have been feeling a lot of pain in the back, so I think from here will not come the solution to my back pain.

Tomorrow I hope I will be better to have a good day with my fluffy Justyna, She will be a baby tomorrow :)

This, where the people survive

Here it is where I born, plenty of food:)

Sunday, October 18, 2009


Since the arrival of our sprout Olivia our lives become not only busier but the responsibility over our shoulders much heavier. We did not need to wait too long after the birth to notice the extreme and uncommon beauty that was within and without the small one. This was even more surprisingly given the father attributes not very commendable. Thus, from us become chargeable all the care to her fairness, The worship passed out our doors, and we are living constantly afraid of Adonis one of this days come inside without announcing and would not be happy with the princess look. That idea terrifies us.

Tomorrow I will have my 3rd session of physiotherapy, the improvements are not much so far, Let us see after tomorrow, I am suppose to have acupuncture, I look forward for that.