Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Blood brothers

I was not completely honest yesterday, because when I said I was upset with Olivia, I should have said I was really anger, and let the bad vibrations and emotions taken my peace of mind and spirit, Only this morning when Olivia came closer to me I felt again in Peace and restored the positive energies. With this developments even my retreat in the church in the morning tasted better.

This evening me and Justyna had a special evening reserved, sorry Olivia but this time was only for Us. With the special thanks from friends we had an evening out, Diner was also in our friends account, Amazing sensation to have a great meal and just walk away from the Restaurant without paying :)
The desert was the musical Blood Brothers, As far as I remember this was the first time I went to a musical in the West End, it is really a nice feeling among all the emotions, and this play was specially strong and touching.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Organizing the mind

I went back to work today again, I had a new task to be accomplished, to steam a big pile of cloths to be sold in the shop. I did enjoy the job, probably to do something totally different was a challenge, and I did not find it boring and hard as I thought, I guess the aim of the shop keeps up the spirit and the mood. I need to see it as a place to have a good time and have the superior need of the children in my mind.

Afterwards, there was only a small interval before I went for my Spiritual retreat in the church, The idea is to go from the Darkness to the Light, and today it did apply to me, before I went to the church I was upset with Olivia but there I calm down and just thought about love and forgiveness.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


I need to recognise, whenever I have a drop of energy I just cannot stay still at home and relax, instead I am always dilly-dally around friends. I must have some disease that make me dependent from the affection and dearness of friends, If I am down nothing better than a tablet of friend to become better. To be more realistic I am a kind of new cannibal, I survive from the energy taken from Friends, This is a mechanism that I become master. This afternoon my victim was Vasco :) I hope, with this confession now on I will not scare all my friends, as without you will be my end.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Noah's Ark

Today I had the taste of what almost every single Human Being does everyday, but I have not for a long time, to have a commitment with time and to wake up early, have a shower, shave, have breakfast and the weirdest thing for me, walk to the work, Yes, it was my first day in the charity shop Noah's Ark. It was good feeling to be in contact with so many people that come in, some neighbours, to put some stuff out in the displays and after see somebody take it, this was small victories. When Justyna and Olivia at some point come to say hello, I confess that I was very proud of me just to show myself in uniform and to tell Olivia that I was just organizing books to be sold.

In the afternoon we went to spend some time and relax in Shubhi's house, We chatted about the adventures of the last week in her house.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Quo vadis?

This is a Time of big changes, a lot of things are going to happen and might open doors and different perspectives for the Future, I am tomorrow starting my collaboration in the charity shop in High Barnet, next week I am also doing a retreat course in the church. And in the week after there is another course that I am on the list, this in the Royal Free Hospital and it will be a week speaking about everything in the Diabetes World.

Meanwhile I am all the time busy with, who else can be than Olivia, enough busy to have often Hypoglycemias, Morning rushing to the library, after GP to pick up blood test results, back home to warm up food, nursery, ballet. I do not have energy for this type of Life anymore.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Always an escape

Everyday I say thanks that the disease did not take my life abruptly as often does and as was announced for us in the beginning. It was not that and today I could not enjoy the big hugs from Olivia, to feel everyday the family spirit, to realise how wonderful my wife is. I just wished more people could have the same lucky as me. I am now waiting for the results from a scan but I have been throughout a good days, and we hope to have much more like that.

I am also happy for Gosia, after such a hard work looking for a job she found her Oasis in London. Today was the first day of work in the Oasis restaurant in Barnet. She came home very tired but also happy. I know what is she living, I felt also an immense happiness when I arrived in London 10 years ago, even downgrading in my job, I went through so many different experiences, doing new friends and get to know other cultures.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Burns Night

The Burns night was another excuse for myself meet with friends, Today the meeting was in Mike's house to taste the unaccepted vegetarian typical Haggis. Without the real Haggis and the whisky I kept into the poetry. The room was full of brilliant reciters of poetry, to what I opened all my ears. I was just ashamed for not store any Portuguese poem in my memory. This evening the princesses did not come, because of late time of the diner.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The big blue

The days are starting good with the twittering of the birds from our neighbours roof, this is not all mornings but when they decide to offer us a recital I just do not want to leave the bed and miss for any second the wonderful singing. It is also the sky that keeps blue, bringing also good and bright news. Today Gosia filled up the house with happiness as finally she found a job, and in High Barnet, so she will be close to us. Definitely, the reiki therapist was right, she told me today that I am a dark blue person, In general the blue colour gives me more energy. I should be surrounded by the blue of the sky and the blue of the sea. So I am not in the perfect city for that :)

In the last days I have another challenge, to get used to a an artificial dental protease. Wherever my tongue goes is there...

Monday, January 23, 2012


The days are back to normal, more predictable, with lesser component of surprise. I even ask myself if it was real the last weekend, Did it happen?

We are all very tired, without energies to celebrate the second New Year Eve in a space of a month. By now a big part of our World are having their party, Here we just can expect and hope to benefit also from the power, strength and good luck that the Dragon Chinese New Year brings.

The good news does not stop, as by the Chinese calendar we should be now in the year 4710, what means that I should have already finished to pay my mortgage.

Last, just to send kisses to all the friends that could not come for the party last week end, they were not physically but they were in our hearts, friends from Istanbul, Poland, USA, Portugal and of course in China.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

#the time of my life#

Uff, after three days without any time to breath, living in the edge of the heart attack, this afternoon I am trying to touch and feel the ground again, reset the body and mind from the frenetic weekend, while Olivia and Justyna are resting. I am sure they must be very tired from the preparations and all the secrecy for the party that went on almost for a week. If the job was to make me feel happy, my love Justyna did it perfectly. The weekend is to be remembered for the all days to come, I felt so happy and even embarrassing to feel so important and central in those days. But I guess to feel in Love or loved never should make you feel guilty, they are adjectives and synonyms of freedom and liberty.

I was all happy, I did not expect my friends one by one and even my parents to arrive in London and just knock to my door. You must recognise, a friend should not do this :) To have such a good time there were many things to be in count: tons of friendship, friends that came from Germany, Belgium, Portugal and even from England, My friend Maria that offered her house so that all the community could stay together and enjoy every single second together.
This is also a story of hard work and support
Of conspiracy, secrecy and love
With a sufficient speech
Of memories
Story with Kings and princesses
United friends
Tears and reunion of friends
To keep the candle lightened every day.

Belle Epoque

Today I refuse to write, I am too happy. I had my party and nothing in this world could be better. I am a full fill man, I did not write a book but I have a wonderful friends.

Saturday, January 21, 2012


Unforgettable surprise

Thursday, January 19, 2012


I am trying to refuse to turn 40's as much as I can do, keeping my birthday in the spot makes the calendar stopping or at least the transition more smooth. I had the birthday last Tuesday, today I had a surprising small party in my Art class, my friend Sue brought even a cake that I was not expected, it was the best surprise. And of course there is my surprise party this Saturday :) Plus these days that Justyna and Gosia have been cooking all evenings, cakes and salads I guess for the Saturday's party. So the week has been taken over by my birthday, To be honest this is something that makes me uncomfortable but at the same happy to be care and to be dear.

Tonight, I had my last training session in order to start work in the shop, therefore in a week I will be working already in the charity shop, I cannot wait.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

There is life after 40's

Me from the eye of OliviaFortunately I had my birthday yesterday, otherwise I would had my special day jeopardised with headache, lethargy and tiredness. My fight to be up for the next Saturday's birthday party is to not let my white blood cells drop even more and to the fever not increase as well more, this to not end up in the Hospital instead. It is a surprise for me, only now, almost two months after the treatment to see the side effects arriving. Probably this is related with the higher dose of radiotherapy that was given to me.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Ternura dos 40's

Lovely birthday, woke up with my princesses chanting Happy Birthday, and we all had a great mixed vegetables for breakfast, All simple things but made with Love. This afternoon me and Justyna escaped to the centre of London, we did things that we have not done for a long time, walk through the Southbank and watched a movie. For 4 years, since Olivia born we never have been in the cinema together, so today was a remarkable day for double reasons, birthday and a date. The film was the last one from Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris, only made me fell even more ignorant in the literature field, instead of Justyna, who felt like a fish in water.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Midlife crisis

Surprising Olivia after being ill, had recovered in a day, tonight she did not have anymore fever and the breath was back to normal, enough to let everybody sleep well. Nevertheless, we went to the doctor, she said that everything looks fine. But she told to come again when Olivia's breath become fast again, this because we think she has a breath always very intense and the doctor did not ignore what we said.

I have had another step in the way back to do something, another interview to work in the Noah's Ark, and there is still another training Thursday, only after I will able to go to work in the shop. Even to work as a volunteer we need to go through a long process. But I am nearly there :)

Today I felt down, I was thinking what could it be, if my blood results which I picked up and showed a very poor results for my white blood cells, almost the same values as when I needed to be hospitalized, but after a deep thought I found the cause, The famous Mid Life crisis. Tomorrow I will dive without returned in the 40's, and this is touching into myself as I did not expect. To improve my mood and celebrate the event I had my year's bath, as I did not have in Christmas. Tomorrow I will be fresh and clean for the special Day. At home the atmosphere of secrecy is higher than ever, Olivia is definitely a accomplice, she just told me that there is a secret but she cannot tell me, great :)

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Justyna's lovers

Again Olivia is suffering with breathless, last night it was hard for her. I also needed to use myself the bronchodilator to clear my breath. I do not know if it is asthma or not, but if this night Olivia will still have the same problems, plus the diarrhoea and fever, tomorrow we will go to the doctor.

Today we had the visit of our friend Sergio and family, Olivia was very weak but then when the kids arrived she could not stay still, straight jumped and went to play with them.

Everyday we can learn something, today I tried for the first time the most weird vegetable I ever seen, not only because of its phallus shape but also its taste and the name, Salsify. To be honest I was positively surprised with its flavour. For sure an experience to be repeated.

At home, I am each day more confused with all the Justyna's lovers, she is receiving constantly text's and emails, and they are secret, I am not allowed to touch anymore her mobile phone. I was thinking, as far as she still cooks for me, I am fine :)

Just one last and sad note, to scream against myself, often I close my eyes and shut my mind to some bad news. Because of the bad news have become so routinely in the Media, we do not give the importance that we must. This days are dying thousands of Somalis in a famine, I felt bad with myself when I clicked in a different link with something without importance, comparing to this tragedy. We can also be cruel with our negligence and non action.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Swimming pool

There was a thing that I wanted to do for a long time but I always found an excuse to not do it or there was something else. Probably it was because I had to travel away from home, even if only 30 minutes. Anyway, today first thing in the morning, I took Olivia to the swimming poll, It was great time and I promise I would do it more often now on. All the ritual from home until there was full of great spirit, to pack the bag, to travel, to dress the swimming suits, to get inside the swimming pool, come out and have a sandwich. All the moments are beautiful, and brings me also good memories of days when I was travelling to the Muxito swimming poll in Portugal, for sure it was more dirty then but the days were also funny. The swimming pool that we went today had even waves, a luxury that we did not have in Muxito back to that days, there I only remember to come back home with green hair and to go to the toilets and step on the most undesirable present.

At home Olivia had another Polish cooking lesson, Gosia introduced her to the Polish pasta, Lazanki.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Pascal's Wager

I have the same nature as all the Human Beings, looking for moments of happiness. But that journey is our choice. I confess that the last and very serious events in my life changed completely where I would like to go and to stay. I was a Man like Saint Thomas, I venerated only the incredulity, I would not believe in nothing that I could not see or touch. But today I think I try to be more open minded and with a huge desire to learn and to follow the way where I can glimpse the same happiness and to empty all my fears. Today I enrolled in my parish for a course of a spiritual formation, it will have a lot of components of meditation, mindfulness, and praying, This will be going for two weeks, everyday. It will be intense but I look forward to learn more to carry on in my spiritual journey.

By the way, speaking about the spirit, yesterday I finished a brilliant book, Tuesdays with Morrie, It is a case to tell that the book is written in such an easy way that only can be comparable to Morrie's thoughts, simplicity and serenity. This is a man who is very ill in a wheelchair, and is about to dye. There is a paragraph in the book that I would never forget, somebody asked him what he would like to do in his final days, and his answer was that he would wake up, have a lovely breakfast, after spend time with a friend, then have a walk through the garden to smell the flowers and listen the birds. And in his evening he would like to dance and dance. It is beautiful what Morrie praises in the end, just little things which that most of us can see but not appreciate.

Today we had our Friday 13, we had our accidents through the day but nothing too serious to blame the infamous day.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

New waves

For a while I have been trying to do something different, something that could take me out from my cocoon and my security. But probably I have not done enough effort. Now I have an opportunity to do all that, but overall to help other people. Thus, today I went for an induction session to become a volunteer worker in the Noah's Ark Children Hospice. The institution aims to help children with severe needs. They have few positions, but I think I will start to help in the charity shop that they opened in the high street. I did consider some other positions but I think I am not emotionally prepared to take any role closer to the children and families.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


Justyna had a busy day, as usually by the way. In the morning she dressed the skin of a teacher, she was teaching Polish language to a neighbour who has a son that is getting married with a Polish girl, Good luck for him :) But in the afternoon Justyna dressed again the skin of a student, she was in the Art class.

Myself, I am keeping my weekly visits to the hospital for my blood tests, but this afternoon I had also to go to a visit to the dentist, I am now waiting for a small dental protease to arrive :) This will give me a more robust jaws to bite and to devour the food. I have been trying to avoid tooth past with fluoride due to healthy reasons, but now I am equating that, I know the harm of the fluoride but the tooth past that I am using is not giving me all the protection that I need, the dentist convinced me.

These are days that I keep having pity of my nation, it does not come out from my mind the terrible situation where Portugal is at the moment, full of debits and suffering. I do not want to have bad feelings towards nobody, but it is difficult to take the news from Portugal. For one side seeing the people doing a lot of sacrifices and on the other hand the politicians still having high wages and taking all the positions, even the ones already retired. The errors cannot be a responsibility of only one person or one class but I think the Politicians have a high responsibilities in this drama. I live in the UK but I am Portuguese and I can say, from my little experience how different the politics are here, probably the reason is also the demanding from the people, which makes the politicians knowing words such as ashamed, spine, lying.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The praise of rest

The days are full of contradictions and opposites. There are the tantrums of Olivia, funny that normally happen when Olivia wakes up or before diner. This just gives reason to Justyna's theory, Her tantrums are driven by Hypoglycemias or low sugars in the blood, as they happen either in the morning when she waits for breakfast or in the evening when waits for the diner she is starving. So, it is not only me who is dependent from the dictatorship of the sugars :)

But as I said the days are full of contrasts, thus I can experience as well a very quite and plenty of sacred moments through the day life. Today I had a magnificent reiki session, where my body drop in a deep unconsciousness for whole full hour and its only pity to wake up again. Through the evenings and with the dusk the Life can even slow down more, and stops when Olivia is going to sleep. I learnt with Justyna, when I am putting Olivia to sleep, I am reading to her but after I also lay down with her in the bed. Those are precious moments just to give a cuddle to Olivia and stay there unmoved until she falls asleep.

I grown up embedded in the idea that resting and being lazy are a very bad attributes, But nowadays I completely separated from that opinion and the pejorativeness of those stigmas. In fact, there is nothing better than looking calmly for the beauty of our each inner person, to create time to see the time pass by. It is amazing how slowing down the path we can increase so much the feeling of quality of each second.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Handa's surprise

The atmosphere at home is now involved in the most pure secrecy, I do not know what is going on, Justyna is receiving messages and emails all the time, which I am not allowed to check, She is also going out without telling me why and coming back after an hour with a suspicious smile.

Anyway, with Olivia and myself out of the obscure movements we keep trying to have fun. Olivia is always going through different stages, and phases like a Moon, like sometimes she does not eat too much, which is not the case in the last week. But, there is days she almost does not need any food, just tangerines, She loves so much that fruit. Our house always need to have a basket full of tangerines to avoid any problems. It is like in the story of Handa's surprise, where Handa offered a big basket full of tangerines to her friend Akeyo. I am sure also for Olivia a basket full of tangerines would be the best gift in her birthday.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

#Bare necessities#

In the Odeon in our home, We are going through a cycle of classics from the Walt Disney, Sessions with happiness and cruelty from the Snow White, the bravery from the Mogli, Olivia is addicted in chanting its beautiful chorus, which I also love:
#Look for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessities, forget about your worries and your strife#

But there is also time for horror movies, only me and Olivia are allowed to watch it, because Justyna is too much sensitive to watch those films, Today we displayed the Cars, from the McQueen which made Justyna shed so many tears :)

From today on Olivia has her own set of tea cups for the Teddy bears picnic. She cannot wait for the Spring to can go outside with her friends.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Home made pizza

I keep fighting this new back pain, But I found the friends the better remedy for that, better than even the Paracetamol. This afternoon, we had the visit of the family of Justyna's friend, her college from the college. With such a lovely time I even forgot about the pain, I will not mention it more to see if it will not comeback. The family friends was really full of good spirit. Like everything new, and probably of been tired I was slightly on the backside in the beginning, but it was worth to open my heart and just go through the emotions and enjoy what the friends had to give, a lot of good energies. It is easy sometimes to let our cultural pre-concepts ruin our life, and today I am glad that I did not let it to happen. I am really glad to meet this new friends.

In the morning me and Olivia went to play in a Playgroup, I was a bit down so we could not let escape the Sunshine that was shining just above us, mother joined us for this moment.

Friday, January 6, 2012

A king, Queen and a princess

Justyna had finished last term the Counselling classes but today started the class of Neuro-linguistic programming, A new project that I hope will help Justyna to enrich herself. With Justyna busy, me and Olivia were wandering around, We went to the GP, to find out that my blood test results shows a slightly decrease in my white blood cells, nothing for alarm yet but at least to keep an eye on. We had also past through the library and find that I forgot the rhyme session will start only next week. Father is always sleeping. In fact today I was very tired and with back pain, I had my nap in the afternoon but I woke up just on time to go with Olivia and her friend Kalina to the ballet session. She is now doing in the afternoon with bigger kids.

It is funny that me and Justyna are constantly finding Olivia reading hidden in the corners, almost as if reading was not tolerated, illegal :) We need to re-assure Olivia that we are proud of that. Before diner I needed to get upset with Olivia, because the food was getting cold and she was telling me that she just needed to finish more a couple of books, only then she would join us in the table. Today is the day of the Three Kings, or the three wise men, all about us :) It marks the end of the Christmas season, tomorrow we are planning to disassemble our Christmas tree.