Thursday, March 31, 2011

The strockes of Moliere

I have been tired through this days, but hopefully with the guest that I am waiting for this weekend my mood and energies will boost again. There is a secret mission that I still cannot tell to you the details, when it will be possible I will reveal. Arts had filled up our day, I had my Art lesson, last before Easter, It was difficult but I enjoyed to paint a very detailed and beautiful flowers. When will be finished I will show it. By the way, I need to tell you that next Tuesday we are travelling to Portugal for two weeks. So this will be a very busy weekend, as usual. To spicy even more the weekend, tomorrow I will have another appointment with the oncologist. It should be only to collect more chemotherapy to another cycle.

But the funniest moment of the day was when I brought a puppets theatre to Olivia, that a freecycler gave away. We did not lose time and in the evening we had straight the first session, Olivia was happy comfortable sitting down just watching the performance of an improvised act but from a very promising actor. The Season are open.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Other Worlds

This day was essentially to all of us have our therapy, In the morning I enjoyed my Reiki massage, which made me more relax, at least for a while. But the highest point of the day was our first meeting with a psychotherapist, Just me and Justyna went to the meeting to speak about Olivia and her journey but also about our issues, They are all interlinked. Olivia stayed during that time with Shubhy. It was great the conversation with the psychologist, to learn other point of views, other perspectives, other possibles ways how Olivia might see the World and should make also part of our own World to help her to be a happy girl.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Food of tomorrow

There is also this days, My body was all in pain, tired, heartburn, back pain, belly pain, headache, hypoglycemia. It is good also to have this days to reckon and enjoy even more the good days. Now I just want to go to bed and hopefully tomorrow I will be better, also I have got a Reiki massage waiting form me.

I could not help the farmers, My lovers kept planting our food of tomorrow. In the case of surplus I can see us already in the market selling our veggies.
Just one last warm word for my friend Vasco. Congratulations.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Steam Spa

As I predicted, last night was not very good for the small Olivia, She had her throat completely blocked, It was difficult to pass the night for all of us. But at least in the morning the doctor told us that her lungs and bronchi looked clean, so the problem is more in the upper respiratory track, which is a relief. She only advised us to give her plenty of liquids and steam to unblock. It was a pleasure to have myself and Olivia a very hot sauna in our bath. Hopefully all will be better tonight. In this day also arrived good news from the help that I need from the government, The report from my oncologist was enough to make them accept my condition and I will not need to worried more. All will continuous as today. So I will have one less thing to think about. Olivia also had her happy moment, She had her first day in the new nursery, Definitely she cannot be to far from the school, because for what we can see she really likes to go to the nursery. I even went there and it was lovely to experience Olivia's reception, She showed me the school and offered me a card done specially for me. She was so proud going around in her princess dress borrowed in the school.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


In the aftermath of the big journey, we woke up very tired, we even were caught by the changing for the Summer time. With all this we could not managed on time to go to the church. The warriors stayed longer in bed. Later, it was good to have the visit of our friends John and Wilf and spend the afternoon with them. Olivia has been for a few days with a cold and this night I am more worried as she is showing signs of breathless and asthma, It might be hay fever.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Capitalism isn't working

Today we could not miss the big March for the alternative, We needed to stamp our presence and scream our dissatisfaction for the blind cuts that will penalised again the most vulnerable. We were against the redundancies, Olivia against the end of sure start, but essentially against the cuts in the NHS. And of course pro justice and Love.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Miss Potato

Justyna had the morning for herself, a deserved small break, In that time Me and Olivia also escaped to the library and after to the park, In the park she found Noah, what made her very happy, they played and played. It was again a lovely day outside and inside, It is a dream for Olivia to have the kitchen and the toilets outdoors in our garden.

In the afternoon Justyna and Olivia carried on with their farming, The potatoes are already on the ground, Hopefully we will have a lot of supplies for our future Polishes meals.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


We decided today to not take Olivia anymore to this nursery, It might be a good nursery as a lot of parents says, but in our case the thrust in their staff has been broken, and in this things we should follow our hearts, as somebody told. They want to push too quick mother out of the nursery, trying to settle in Olivia in away that we were not prepared, she is still very young and we are not in a rush as we both have time, it is pointless to go behind their rules and leave Olivia crying until we do not know when and to make Olivia believe only and overall in herself.

Justyna was distress with all this and because it was only her to deal with the manager, But now we need to move forward. In the afternoon I went for another lesson, another big lesson of Art.

At home all the family relaxed but the girls started their agriculture task, digging to crop our food, we are planning to plant in our farm tomatoes, lettuces, potatoes and more, all 100% organic with 100% sure.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Good memories

The Day was certainly the most shinning so far. I saw the Diabetes doctor which clarified that my blood testes does not tell anything bad regarding to the kidneys, in fact they are working fine. Instead, she advised me to better control my sugar levels, as averagely they have been higher than they should, So my next mission is to bring down those sugars.

I just wanted to enjoy all the minutes outside, thus I came back home quick to go to a picnic in the park with Olivia and her fellows from the library, All went well, but the same we cannot tell about her nursery later. They tried to rush and forced Justyna to leave Olivia alone, and the things did not go too well. We need to decide what to do now.

The greatest surprise and inspiration moment come this afternoon from where I could not expect, from the television, the memories from our unforgettable friend Ian was reborn when we watched the television program Deal or not Deal, His sister was in dispute of the prize, It was with a lot of commotion that we saw the remarkable Cristal, Ian's sister, showing all her energies. We also found out that she had fought against the Cancer in the last year, something that appeared after Ian's death. But now she is free and beautiful as ever. Also it was great to see in the tele Renne, Ian's wife and my friend in the Hospital. Examples for me and for all.

Another unforgettable evening in a serene atmosphere with Tom, Rayn and Tazz. Now I am very tired, I need to follow the example of a friend which told me to be wise and to not do too much, means to not thrust too much in the feeling of have so much energies. Because if I feel better I would do more than I should and than become tired again. The idea is to feel good and to relax.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Collateral goodness

The Weather is definitely in its best, We should take advantage the most as we can because we never know, I already witnessed years ago a Summer that had disappeared before even than arrived. Our days is more of the same, enjoying all the moments together, stay close to build energies. I recognised the collateral goodness of this diseases is the fact of being close with the family all the time, something impossible with a normal life.

This evening I went for a regular appointment with my GP, it was a short appointment but I liked to see him, Also he gave me a copy of a letter from my oncologist that was sent to him, It had some positive words. Whenever I listen positive words from the doctors my soul jumps of happiness, I just need to not have all the doors closed to be a happy man, In the end of the day what I am doing is just doing to live and survive, what everybody does.

In another letter there was other thing less positive regarding to my kidneys, but for sure it will be a small issue. Tomorrow, probably I will find more about that as well as about all the issues related with Diabetes, when I would see my Diabetic doctor in the Royal Free.

After seen my GP I went to the park to meet my beauties, The air was smelling Summer as well as the light.

Monday, March 21, 2011

In the mood of Spring

Such a perfect day, The fact of wake up and do not need to take the tablets of chemotherapy did a huge difference, I was since bed in a different mood, literally outside I just wanted to say hello to everyone that cross on my way and just enjoy such a Sunny day. It is true, whenever the Sun appears it helps to shift our state of mind.

Olivia definitely catches my mood, and today she reflected my image, more confident and happy in the school, mother told me that she was 10 minutes away from her playing by herself, and when got home she told me she would like to see Noah to play more.

We took advantage also to have our first meal outdoors in the garden, and listen the birds, and myself of course to carry on with a draw, not finished.

Sunday, March 20, 2011


We planned to Olivia go out with Shubhy and Tom, this in order to make her more independent, a strategy to make easier to her to get used to the nursery, We planned but Olivia did not want in the last minute, what we need to respect, It was not yet the time.
In that way instead of Olivia going to the cinema with her friends we all came home and enjoyed the company with a very tasty juices from Justyna's catalogue. It is just order :)

Later we started a great afternoon in the country side,We went for a small reserve close to us that is kept by voluntaries that are also neighbours and friends. We have not been there before, and it was in good time we went there today. Great to listen the birds and smell the sample of a forest. We were all radiating happiness.
I was thinking how I hate when nothing goes by inside this small and dark brain, and I produce this plain and boring posts, but after having a small thought I realised how happy I must be when I create such a ugly lines, because this means that I am not down and crying for help from that side.
Now at this time I am just celebrating the end of my last pills from this chemotherapy set, from tomorrow I will be off from the chemotherapy for two weeks, I hope I will see this mind and body relax again a bit more.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Ali Baba

The morning started with another regular Diabetic Eye screening in a clinic no too faraway from me, the good news is that the eyes are still not damage by the high sugars, nevertheless I still need to keep the glucose under control as much as I can. Backed home I had a very sweet souvenir from my lovely daughter, she reminded the father's day in Portugal, The morning could not be better regardless to all the tiredness.

Later we had the company of our friend Sergio, who was in his birthday, We spent time together, though I could not resist a few hours sleep in the afternoon, before we all went to the park, to enjoy the beautiful Sun outside. Curios that the Sun was shinning but also the Moon was bigger than ever, at least according to the specialist, because through my sight it looked the same as usual when she is full.
The evenings are more easy nowadays, having Olivia collaborating with her routine, after 6's it comes the time to the bath, after dinner, after small play and finishing with sleep, all this like a clock. Tonight was my turn to read to her sleep, I have my secret book that never fails, Normally it is not necessary more than 5 minutes to Olivia fall asleep with Ali Baba and the forty thieves. She loves the story.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Funny day

Justyna went to other part of London to visit her cousins Adriano and Aneta that are already parents of a beautiful child. I decided to stay around home to not pressure myself too much, Olivia stayed with me as well, We had a great time together as old times :) This time I took the easiest way and tried to do only what she does like, Not arguing if she asks me a chocolate sandwich, I even offered her an ice cream, went to the library and read all the books that she wanted, took a bath together, had a lovely pasta meal, watched a film and both searched for frogs in the garden and went outside dressing our galoshes and looked for all the paddles to splash. It was a funny day.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

St Patrick's day

Missing real moments to celebrate we need to look for excuses to cheer up our mood, which was down today, St Patrick's day call to all the family to dress in green, thus we did. I went even further and I did my radical hair cut, number one.
This time in the evening I already took my tablets and organized the set of tablets for tomorrow, I loved to see the box of tablets getting empty. It is a routine that does not have end in perspective but I do like to be a slave of that.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

In town

Great :) The day went wonderful, I was scare that the increase of the dose of chemotherapy could ruin my day and pretensions to go out to the town with Olivia and Justyna. I am tired but happy. We all, with our neighbours with kids went to Town to visit the Aquarium and the London Eye. This events are very important to bring closer the neighbours as well as the kids that are growing up together, Shame that this is also considered now a luxury, thus in the end of this month the Sure Start Children Centre that runs the activities in the Library close to us is also closing down due to the cuts in the budget, But I think they deserved a big thank you for the time they been up helping Olivia and the other kids that are not yet in time to the nursery.

The kings in the Aquarium were surprisingly for me the Manta ray, with a special tank and a time to be fed in front of the audience.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Deep sleep

If doubts existed about the effectiveness of the alternatives medicines, it has vanished completely, at least for myself. After, yesterday I had my acupuncture the doctor did say that I should sleep better tonight as she did a very strong and powerful therapy. In fact tonight I had a night sleep as I do not remember for a long time, Even Olivia slept through. It was over 10 hours sleep to everyone.

Olivia in the nursery today left her mother a more than a half metre of distance from her, which is a progress, Hopefully slowly she will get more confident with the staff and with the other kids, but there is still a lot of steps to go and to be left by herself in the nursery. If she is not too excited with her first days in the school, already in the road she is very happy with the tricycle, she is now managing to move by herself.
Tomorrow, we will have a very funny day out in perspective, The organization that runs the activities for kids in the library invited all the children from this area to go to the town, and they will pay the entrance in the London eye and in the Aquarium, and me and Justyna are included in the list.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Little Machiavelli

Olivia did not let me sleep too long this night, It was one of those nights like days. Throughout the day I was tired and to be honest a bit moody with Olivia. But after a small smile or nice word from her I was again in her hands. She is specialist in turning my head in her favour.

The afternoon I had an Acupuncture session in the Cherry Lodge Cancer Care, the Doctor said that the strong session should make me sleep much better, Tonight I will go to check that.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Altruist and egoist

After few weeks we had again a normal day, just for us and to be relaxing around home. Eliza is already back to Poland but is missed here by all of us. We did few big little things during the day which fills us with proud, In a small walk in the evening I saved a frog from the road, I never have taken a frog in hands, it was lovely the experience to feel it and even more to leave the frog in a safer place in a garden with grass, In this walk when we reached home we had another great time when we saved another animal, a small butterfly. We need to to the good for all, as also we never know how we will come back, Altruist but also egoist.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Farewell match

The farewell from Olivia's cousin and aunt was celebrated with a soccer in the park, the weather helped with a glorious day. It was a dream just to be sitting down and see the kids and families enjoying the day in the park. It fills me up of happiness just seeing the others happy. The family has been here for 10 days, tomorrow are leaving back to Poland, Olivia had enjoyed very much the days just now in the last days she is more jealous and distress, So I guess Olivia will be happy to have all her toys, attention and care back 100% to her.

Friday, March 11, 2011

I am today Japanese

I am very tired from the day, I went with my friends Vasco and Sergio to a day out in Cambridge. It was a great time together, to share laughs and just speak, which already helps each other.
But the day brought also sadness. Now in the evening after I reached home and updated with the information about the tragic incidents in Japan I am so sorry and devastated with what happened there. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with my friends from Japan that are now suffering. The images are shocking and difficult to imagine their loss.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Perspective of view

When we do not expect and suspect comes this days, Blue days that come out of the blue, I really enjoyed my Art class today, It was again very mathematical but this time I learnt a lot about the basics of drawing, drawing perspectives, Gave me more bases to not be only a naive in this sea of the draws, Few things begun to make more sense after the lesson, Where before I would be lost now I would know better where I am, my coordinates. Imagine seating down in the middle of a room and then trying to draw all the walls around you, as well as the doors and windows, This is more difficult than you think, Before this exercise I would not know how to manage but now I was left with more clues.

Also, for now we found the way how to manage with Olivia's nursery, Justyna spoke with the manager and they found a solution which makes us more happy, Olivia will go only for one hour three times a week and mother will be with her for the full hour, eventually and slowly if Olivia will feel interested in what is going on mother would start to withdraw.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Side effects

Today I started to feel the first symptoms of this cycle of chemotherapy, Liver pain, which I hope is a good sign, This time I am also more tired psychologically, all the time distress with small things, and spreads to whoever is around. Olivia went again to the nursery, but she did not stay all the afternoon, she did not want to see her mother to leave but also did not want to go to the staff. Justyna did not like the way they tried to deal, forcing Olivia to go to their hands when she was already upset and in panic. Olivia has been long time, or better since ever with us, it will never be easy to go away to the staff, must be gentle with her. Now we are thinking what to do.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


The Season is now reaching the best period of the year, the one I most liked, It is something like the Spring, but not quite, just before she arrives. It is when the Sun, desired than ever appears again, but also the coll breeze do not let us leave the coat at home. It will still take a while before we realised that the layers of cloths are not matching anymore the season, but nobody cares. At this Season Nearly the Spring we are allowed to dream and to do a lot of plans, As if everything would be possible, We still faraway from the end of the Season of Suns, early to be disappointed for not reached almost nothing of what was planned and much before the Season of rains starts again keeping the dream on the hold again. It is as if but not yet.
In the day of the Women the ladies went to the Zoo, this does not have any bad meaning :), I still at home, doing things, but also killing time.

Monday, March 7, 2011

First day in school

After today nothing will be the same, Olivia went for her first day in the nursery. Also I will never forget this moment of seeing Olivia with her backpack and to take her in hands with mummy to the school. There is always special moments that we should flavour and take all the pleasure and those stayed with me.

In the nursery mother spent all the time with her, We will leave Olivia alone in the school only after she would get more confident with the environment. Apparently, today she was a bit distress with all the new adventure. The class was full and also the English language is the one where she is still not so confident speaking, all this will take from her some time to adapt, I hope she will find a great moments for herself into this adventure.

Tomorrow she will be off, and girls are planning to go to the Zoo to celebrate the international women's day. In that way the Man of the house will keep at home and rest. I started today to take the chemotherapy and straight away there were signs of fatigue and psychological unrest.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Week to remember

The Sun started to shine for longer periods which transformed completely our mood, Speaking for me I was today in a very high spirit, with a lot of energy and full of hope. I cannot wait for tomorrow morning to start to take the pills for the second course of chemotherapy, I look like a child waiting and excited for the first day of school, I put it already out, on the top of the table the medicines that I will need to take tomorrow, in the case to not forget.

By the way to speak about first day in school, I need to tell you all about one of the biggest landmarks of our Lives is about to happen tomorrow, Olivia will have her first day in the nursery, She cannot wait but also I cannot wait to see her reaction. I got the feeling, she is now more prepared for this step, She is more aware about sharing, also about socializing. For now it will be only three days in the afternoon to get her used to.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Lost in translation

At home everybody decided to be very active today, Olivia woke up very early in the morning, with the chickens, Later we attended the Father's day in the children's centre, that luckily come to the library near us, Olivia but special Eliza enjoyed very much the time to run around and have fun. I just cannot forgive myself for did not understand Eliza that since the morning she was asking me Xuxu, and I innocently thought she wanted a Dummy (chucha in Portuguese) but in reality she wanted to do urine or xixi. I was lost in translation as apparently Olivia did not understand what her cousin was telling to explain me. Nevertheless, Eliza was great and kept clean all the morning until Justyna come around and revealed her words.
In afternoon Sergio come to spent the day with Us, I caught him and took him for a long walk in the country, In the end we walked for 2 hours, for 4 miles, I just want now to rest my legs :)

Friday, March 4, 2011

Crime of living

So So News are now great news for me, Nothing too special I took from my appointment with the oncologist, but only some bits are enough to fill up us with happiness. It is true that the doctor decided me to go for at least 2 more cycles of chemotherapy and not only one more as I expected. This is related to the fact that I tolerated again very well and he thinks that this chemotherapy might work well, because I did not have too much pain in the Liver in the last week. And because of showing signs of stiffness dealing with the drugs, they decided also to increase the dose of chemotherapy. It is like if we do not complain they give more work, As usual we should always complain to get the easy work :)

But the good news is that the Agency that funds the treatments gave me already the approval to go ahead with the radiotherapy. Then, according to the doctor we will leave the radiotherapy in Reserve for the time when this chemotherapy will not work anymore. It was a good appointment with the oncologist, in a very relaxing atmosphere which does not happen all the time, when the doctors are very busy. He also helped me with a request that I had, related with my benefits that are now ending and I need to claim again to have it renewed again. The story is the same as three years ago, the oncologist gave me the form only for terminal patients, the ones which have a life expectation not behind 6 months, I hope and I am sure I will be again a liar, cheater or fraud and I will live much more than that. Maybe I will live to be a criminal for living too long.

Lastly the best of the day, to remember that my father had is birthday today, Congratulations papá.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Fat Thursday

Definitely I am not a person of Maths anymore, Any skill that existed has now evaporated with chemotherapy. Today, I had the most boring drawing lesson and difficult as I could imagine, We started a new chapter about perspective and how to draw accurate ellipses, I guess it is necessary to know the theory but I like to feel my hands free and see only the eyes commanding the brain, and not as today be ruled by a ruler to get perpendicular and parallel lines. This time I can wait for the next week lesson as it will be more Perspective :(
Today I was very touched by a proposal of my neighbour which is also attending my classes, She wanted to give me a small part of her allotment, as she knew I wanted a small piece of land to plant few things, but I could not accepted such a kindness. My garden will be enough for my few potatoes and lettuces.

According to the Polish tradition today marked the beginning of the Quaresma, It is called the fat Thursday and traditional has donuts on the table, and having the house full of Polish of course those sweets could not be missed in our table.

Tomorrow we are again to the Hospital, this time to pick up more tablets to restart another cycle. To be polite and to not use other words I just would say that I do not like to go to the Hospital anymore.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Dolls house

After our hibernation in Poland it come the time to wake up, to hunt but also to be hunted, to delay 1 hour in the time but also bring forward much more digits in the thermometer, and to look again for the reality. I was already prepared but I confess that this time it was even harder, to come to London and just open the door and find few letters that does not bring any good, essentially from my surgeon which states everything that I know but I do not want to not know or ignore for long as possible. All the blá blá of No hopes is there, written with is cold pen or darts, More than ever the hope I must find in my brain, When I do not have pain I need to believe that I am OK and forget about everything.

The house is now full of happiness, Olivia's cousin and her mum come with us from Poland for holidays. I also want to take full advantage of the presence of the lovely Eliza.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Food lovers nations

In spite of the distance between us and having been positioned in different parallels there are so many things that I found very close between the Portuguese people and Polish. Not only, our both people find the tenacity to fight constantly against the History, but also culturally we both find the peace through the Faith and in the Family to rest all the misfortune. Even, both countries come together in any list because of the alphabet, Both starts with Po.... But the most important is the fact that we both have our Living room in the kitchen. There is no place where we can go that there is no table full of food, and there is no chance to say No, it will be taken as an offence. This is like in Portugal. It is also hard to be a vegetarian, a Herculean task.

Today we had the visit of our lovely friend Gosha from Krakow. This evening we will start to pack as tomorrow we will fly back to London.