Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Ice age

This year the snow arrived even earlier, I have been in England already for 7 years and I have not seen such a snow as last year( this is also on the way), since I came. Can I concluded that I am witnessing the Ice age? Anyway, today with the snow another friend knocked on the door, It was the snowman which this year looks even more poor, looking for his appearance I guess he might has lost the job as well, without proper cloths and barefoot. We only could give him plenty of ice creams and a place outside to stay, because the house is full.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Masking meals

Happy to have a visit of our friends Tom and Neil at lunch time, For lunch I decided to mask a traditional Portuguese meal that was supposed to be with pork with a veg stuff. I used to love Sausage wrapped in cabbage, and today I inspired in that to cook the meal, I just switched the pork sausages for Quorn, And in the end it was OK. I think I will carry on in that way, using more Portuguese traditional meals cooked with meat but now using instead, the tofu, soya, Quorn or others veg things.

It was great to spend the afternoon speaking with our friends and knowing that all is going well with Neal in the North and to check that Tom is also with a lot of energy again.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

House of animals

Today started the Advent, the countdown for the Christmas, Here at home we have already few decorations set up, just missing the Christmas tree although there is already a place reserved for it. The monkey from Olivia will be very happy with its tree. The house is full of all kind of Animals, Almost all Olivia's toys are composed by animals, and also today I started a new paint of a Leon. Those animals are now more relaxed and comfortable, appearing from everywhere and walking through the house knowing that we are not hunting and eating them anymore.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Low cost baby

Olivia is already discovering the power of the Mind :) She loves to play ao Faz de conta (As if), Almost daily we embarked in long trips through the sky, She prefers me to pilot the aeroplane while she is eating chips, But for example, once in Portugal she runs straight to the beach, not forgetting her sunglasses and Sun cream. The bed is her sandpit and water or swimming pool. She is also a master in the kitchen, often she offers me wonderful sandwiches done in a minute with all that I like. What make me so happy with this play is the fact of we can go everywhere in the planet and eat the best food as possible, but for Free. Olivia is a dream as she is a low cost baby.

Friday, November 26, 2010


It is a bit delayed the celebration of the Magusto in our home but, anyway it is better to have it than not have it. The Magusto is a typical pagan party in the Portuguese calendar that we celebrate I do not know what with plenty of roasted chest nuts and with a bonfire. I use to enjoy so much those days, to taste the nuts and essentially to smell it, Actually the streets in Lisbon by this time are full of the smog and smell coming from their roasting.

The evening was so relaxed in contrast with the morning, Adriano this morning had such an unbearable back pain that we needed to call the ambulance to take him to the Hospital. The problem looks that is muscular and now he need to take pain killers and rest.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Analogy of the cave

It is such a shame, the ones who are paying this Crisis are the ones less guilty, And the ones guilty are asking for the sacrifices from the other ones. I think this Days should be seen as the best opportunity to change system, But here I already lost the hope. Sometimes, people says the current system is not the Best but is the best one that they know, but people forget that everything in our lives is about Habits. The capitalism or whatever exists now did not born with the Human species, I would say it was a system created from the Modern Man to the Caveman. All the single Human Being or at least the majority should stand against and aspire for much better and look behind the shadows. I guess it could also be applied here The analogy of the cave, from Plato.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

End of the meat

Since today Adriano is with us again for a few weeks, But also I met my friend Sergio in Camden before he departs tomorrow to Portugal. In the evening I had the visit from Mike and John, We had a wonderful vegetarian diner that celebrates the end of the meat in our home. I am really trying hard and feeling very distress to be a better person.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Day of pictures

My friend Serginho come this weekend to London and today came to visit us, It was a very healthy visit from him and Vasco, with plenty of laugh as usual and as use to be in the past. They even escorted me to the Hospital to have my CT scan done. Thank you for the visit that made me relaxed and do not feel the anxiety that I normally feel through this days of pictures.

Now I will go back to the Hospital in a week to collect the pictures, I am sure they will be wonderful with all this laugh and the huge visualization from my brain towards the Liver.

Monday, November 22, 2010

E eu é que sou o palhaço?

I am doing much as possible to get my Mind back to the routine but also as aware as it could be. It was a weekend without seeing Olivia so now I am trying to get advantage and spend more time with her, Today I went a playgroup and to a gymnastic session with her, I was in the sky. In the Ground Justyna was for a day the clown of the family. The painted faces was also our way to wishes to Dani to recover from the chicken-pox, that he developed since he left England. Let us wait to see who will be the next to catch the bug, I am not sure if Olivia is already immune, we just need to wait 2 weeks, the time window for the bug develops. So far all of us are OK.

Tomorrow I will have another session of pictures in the Hospital, They should like me very much. It is another scan and see if the Cancer had another coup and squeeze

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Noble silence

From this weekend I took the lesson that the Silence sometimes can tells us much more than a thousand words. I was in a retreat run by a Buddhist community, the teachers were the best guides I could have to initiate my first steps in the meditation and to live more as I wanted. There was a lovely nun with a big heart and a childish smile in the face as only the Buddhist can preserve through the years, I will never forget the nun Ajahn Candasiri, even more because I had the Magic moment of been setting down around and share few words with her, It touched me. But also sharing thoughts with us there was the Brother Nicholas, A Franciscan in a House of Buddha the result only could be a beautiful harmony that irradiated Love inside and I am sure outside.

I am feeling these days had changed my Life, until where I still do not know.

Friday, November 19, 2010


Just pack few things and say good bye to family and I am off to my first retreat in a Buddhist Monastery, The balance present on the picture means all the Balance of Life that I am looking to find in this days out.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Model by chance

My family will leave to Portugal Saturday but I will say goodbye already tomorrow afternoon, Tomorrow I will have a new experience, I will undergo a retreat in the Amaravati Buddhist monastery for all weekend. It will plenty of time for myself to reflect and rest my brain. I will see it as a therapy for my anxiety and nervous. The daily routine will pass through waking up at 5.00 AM and do different types of meditation, I hope I will have some help and guiding as I am new in this businesses.

Today I had another Art lesson, So far so good, Lots of joy and pleasure. I did not know at all my model until I start to draw him, apparently the lucky man is Mr. James Ellroy a writer.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


The days with family are the best, tired but worthy, Long walk around the bank of the Thames river enjoying the cold breeze that was blowing among the family. As you see I still with my taste very sharpe. Few years in the capital and dealing with the aristocracy still did not erase some of my ticks.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Royal team

After the long walk through London yesterday, today I decided to stay still at home. Only in the evening we went to see Shubhy and Tom. What was supposed to be a tea it was a table full of food and sweets. Here the picture of the team. By the way the family being here were now invited to the Royal wedding in the next year.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Tiny submarine

It was not enough to sleep in my small bunk in my submarine, yes, the place allocated to me in the house was just enough to fit my tiny body. But, as I was saying, on the top of that, Dani is our alarm, waking up very early, even before than Olivia. This is definitely an Army atmosphere around here. There is the General Dani and the Colonel Olivia that demand respect and discipline.

The procession toke us today to the National History Museum, Daniel showed the origins of the Earth to Olivia, They become to know that there was Life before them.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Family reunited

Finally the family are reunited again, It is wonderful to have all here, except my father who does not want to leave his Algarve. For him the Sunshine, only in Portugal. In in London the house is full, last time I counted 9 people, In the table to seat everybody we need to have a good imagination, all serves, from a luggage until the horse from Olivia. Today, it was lovely to see also Olivia playing with her cousin Daniel, For the first time they enjoyed time by themselves, just alone upstairs in Olivia's bedroom. I will not tell already that the biting are past, let us wait and see if will come any blood until the end of the week.

I am also happy as now I have my fridge full of Portuguese food, Bacalhau even bread from my parent's bakery and the olives that makes the happiness of Olivia :) Christmas will be with a lot of traditional Portuguese taste.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

In a flash

I feeling this days as the start of the Christmas season, In fact I cannot wait for those days. Nowadays I am not only living the Day, the present, but strangely also I am often thinking about some a specific events, like a goal to live the each Day. Today went by in a flash, we planned to go to the Portobello market, and we did go, but there we found out that it was time to come back. It was the shortest visit to the market I have done, Mika will need to do another trip to the market to understand and look it in detail.
Late but we still did come back on time to be present in the birthday party of Gabi, It was very good end of the day, to just socialize with all those friends that were there, few that I have not seen a long time, even before Olivia arrived. Now we only need to organize the house to have our family here, they are arriving tomorrow at lunch time.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Attacking again

I cannot stay too long here writing this lines, as I am with a strong attack of hiccups, They do not want to stop, I do not want also to wake up Olivia with this persistent and strong noise from them. It should be with with a rate of 20 hiccups for each minute. I used to have this attacks when I was doing chemotherapy. I hope our visit- Mika, would not take mo wrong for this inconvenient attack, I am not the top gentleman but also not the biggest beast.
Probably the bed is the best option to calm it down.
Actually in the end is getting slightly better, the rate is decreasing.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


I do not know for whatever reason but in the last days my levels of anxiety has risen again, I feel bit down and tired, Something is compressing my heart that is difficult to explain. Probably the session yesterday in the Hospital did not help, If it is good to have a lot of information in our hands but we also risk to fail down with the weight of that news. It was slightly heavy what has been told to us in the Hospital, I actually I am aware about everything but it still hurts very much to be reminded about all that.
The best moment of the day was of course the Art lesson, Today I drew a portrait, It was for the first time I did it seriously, and I was very pleased with the result.

This evening we are awaiting for Justyna's friend Maya, and Sunday will arrived my family, So this will gonna be a busy week.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Christmas party

There was a time, back around 30 years ago, that for this time I was the most happy child in the World, I could not wait for the Christmas party that the employer of my dad - Lisnave, was offering annually to the their kids, Something that by this days looks a dream for most of our children. Of course to got access to the party normally in the Carlos Lopes Pavilion I remember that was always necessary to queue for long time outside in the warmth temperature that normally we found during this Season:) Usually I was in my father's lap, what made the waiting time less painful. In the entrance was given to us a bag with some sweets, chocolates and one or two balloons, I was so happy. Nevertheless, there was always the balloon catchers, The fathers that wanted to show their skills in catching more balloons for their child, This was just setting a sellotape in the top of another balloon and after release it until the ceiling of the pavilion, of course firstly attached to a long string, and then was easy to collect some other balloons that escaped from some unfortunate hands. This picture shows the habits of this predators that we could found in the corners where normally the balloons tended to gather and putting more attention to the ceiling than to the artists in the stage. I do not keep only this memories, I also remember to watch some magician practicing behind the curtains of the stage. On the top of this party there was another one, this organised by the Union. So this was a great days without any doubt.

This afternoon all this came to my memory, when I went to a different kind of party, There was also food available for everyone, but the people were all grownups and the subject much more serious, depending from the point of view. Thus, I attended a conference in the Royal Free Hospital about the Neuroendocrines Tumorous, It was a long and good conversation, where I listened Oncologists, Nurses, palliative doctors, nutritionists, about trials for new drugs. There was a lot of strange names for new medicines and trials, but I noted all of them. But the worst enemy for your Cancer is the fact of being rare is cutting a possibility for more funding for research, So we are trapped in the idea that people have about the Neuroendocrine, or just to do not know anything about this, The head doctor-Caplin, explained that an important task is to show to governments that this diseases become more common and are not so rare nowadays, To bring the Neuroendocrine to the main stage and become more fashionable is a task for all the patients and friends.

There was also hope in the air among the patients. I was a bit nervous, it is something not new, but today is even worst to get courage and speak to a big audience, Luckily the question that I wanted to put forward was done by another patient, and for curiosity who did answer was my surgeon, and said the same as to me before, In a case where there is a recurrence in more than one place the operation is not the the first option to treat, but He would say that never say No, mainly if the patient is younger.

To finish I am writing what a patient told and I did like, and it is his philosophy to approach, Make somebody happy, make yourself happy.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


We are nowadays locked in our dilemma, having a long days in the short Day. OK I will explain, it is true, the fact that after 3.30 PM the dusk already lay down in the house, lights are now on. With only that the day would look short, but there is another element that confuses that impression, that is Olivia, this madame everyday wakes up before 7.00 AM so what it was suppose to be short becomes a very long, Long days. There is Time do sell, to exchange. I am sure some of you would not mind.

The days are miserable outside, raining and windy. Thus, we only have the chance to lock ourselves into our hut.

Please be aware about tomorrow's Worldwide NET Cancer awareness day. I will be in the Royal Free Hospital for a session with patients and specialists.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Jealous father

I had my first appointment with the Nurse from the GP, just to do my annual checking of my feet, because of Diabetes. The sensation and reaction down in the feet and legs still normal, not affected by diabetes so far. Shame only for the nails that were not treated and big as a Eagle. Meanwhile, I had an immunisation against the Flu. Regarding to a blood tests done last week she also mentioned few parameters out of the range. Now I need to speak with the doctor about that.

At home Olivia has the power to play and manipulate all of us, When she does not want to do anything with me she shows her disapproval and often goes to mummy or says mummy, I maybe also behave as a child but often I feel jealous and frustrated when she prefers mother than me.

Sunday, November 7, 2010


We are back to London, shame it pass so quick, Unusually the weather in Wales was so dry. Perfect for our fireworks :)
The house has a special mystic, not only for the place but also for the friends that normally we meet there. Olivia was always with friends. There was party, tracking, adventures, reading time, a lot of animals, drawing and food :)

Friday, November 5, 2010

A Rare man

That I have the one of the rarest type of Cancer I already knew but today also I have been told that I am also having one of the rarest side effects that Sunitinib can offer, as my hair is decolourising, become white. Finally, I am showing some signs of maturate.
Today I met my preferred doctor, Dr. Rupinda. She looked happy with the progress of my disease, means the Cancer did not progress much, Nevertheless she wants me to do another scan until the end of this month, normally I would have a scan every 3 months but because I am in the Sunitinib, the Trust that funds my medicines wants me now to do a scan every 2 months, I suppose this is because of the high price of the Sunitinib, then they want to make sure that the value invested is reaching the goal.

Now the afternoon, we will need to get ready to depart to Wales to the Bonfire, Mike will give us a lift.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


It has been long time, two weeks without Art classes, but today again I was there. The lessons still covers the dark-side, around the anti-conventions, difficult but very interesting to draw using the Right side of the brain, needs a lot of concentration, Last class we had two ladders in the middle of the room and we were supposed to draw everything around but the ladders, just get the spaces in between, Today we covered the sheet with black graffiti and the task was to create a landscape using the rubber only, and this trilogy will finish next week drawing an upside down portrait. It will be challenging.
Tomorrow, will be a very busy day, In the morning we will be back to the Royal Free to see the oncologist, Essentially it will be to collect more Sunitinib to my daily diet:) After we would need to come back home to get ready in order to go to Wales to Mike's house to spend the weekend in the festival of Bonfire.
Before finish, I want to share with you the website related with the Cancer that I am suffering, Neuroendocrine NET, 10th November, next Wednesday will be the World day to arise awareness about this disease. So if you will have a minute please open the site and you also can sign the proclamation of the day

And by the way look into