A perfect symbiosis

Ola,

Unnoticeable another weekend is left behind, one of the good things of my forced holidays, is the pressure of Sunday afternoon related with going back to work place in Monday morning has gone, This feeling is an illusion for now :) This week I hope will be the last one before the appointments with doctors and therapy starts. I am waiting this week for a date to see Dr Capler, the head of the Neuroendocrines in the Royal free Hospital to discuss the new plan and what I can expect now, and also I hope to see the Dr Tim Myer to see which kind of chemotherapy I will have in a very short term. Until anything definitive I am trying to do as much as possible, and this week it might be the last one. Today we went with Majka to one of the London postcards, Camden Town. Probably is the most lively area in the world and a place of election to meet people from everywhere and with different cultures. The weather still in good mood, hugging us with a warm and sunny shining.

The last comment is for all my friends, please take care of you, I might have been bit lax with the pain that I presented for two years before it was diagnosed the Cancer. I was feeling the pain, even if a smaller scale for a two years, but I trusted in the system, that was telling me to do not worry, it never could be a Cancer as the doctors were been saying, probably some muscle problem was the easy answer. This after blood tests and scanning. Please whenever you have a pain go until the end to find out what it is. Have my example in your mind.

lovely week

At last the summer

Ola,

There is nothing as motherhood, Olivia can tell us that. When she decides to complain also always finds the comfort and tranquility in mums arms. Something that a father only can speculate. It Should be a chemical reaction where it comes about smell, voice and other elements unknown for an adult mortal that make her find the perfect nest in Justynas warmth.

Again Olivia had another long social day, Lunch went out to a posh restaurant in Notting Hill with Vasco and Carolina but for now Olivia left the culinary experience for the parents. Something that parents essential father do not refuse and welcome. Afterwards just time to come home and go to visit Mike, as he host a party for the "Proms". For the first time I attended such a party, again more food but mixed with the classical music.

The day did not finished without a incursion to the centre, it was already 2.00 Am when we managed to pick up Majka. She just arrived now from Poland and will be a week with us at home.

The good news is after such a long day all the criterion that rules my life functioned well. Sugars, energies and humour behaved good.

See you tomorrow

My friend Tramadol

ola,

Slowly we start to adventure inside London, day and night. We had a very extensive program today, in afternoon we went to Wood Green to do some shopping, must of the stuff we bought were clothes for me, a long time I did not invest in new shirt, jacket or whatever for me, I thought it will take me longer time to have opportunity to go out, but the Winter is here and my wardrobe is empty to face my soaring social life. Later in the night we spent some time with Pajo and his flatmates. The house were full of flashes, been Olivia the most required from their objectives, I promise I will post a picture of this evening next time.

Everyday I remember something new that I want to share with you, and today I saw a Justyna's notes with some of mine quotations when I was waking up from the operation, apparently I was in a very good mood or even better stoned with all the heavy and effective drugs I had, such as Tramadol. The Morphine I declined even if I had it just in a distance of a pump. Some moments I remember some others it was Justyna and Pajo, who witnessed when I woke up, that reminded me.

I know that the nurse when for the first time she came to check if I was alright she got a questionnaire to certify how my brain was coping with the operation and when she asked me if I knew where I was, and I said I am in Holidays in Spain, in the first moment she was scare but after I smiled to her and she understood that I was jocking, relieving her. Afterwards I was allowed to have the visit of Justyna and when she was approaching me, straight I told her to do not ask silly questions, and also she should be very quick because I was booked for this night, I do not know for what, but for sure I needed to leave the Hospital in very short term. One of the things that I wanted to confess to Justyna it was my emptiness will. Again all this was in a atmosphere of fun. The thing that I said to Pajo that made him laugh was the desire that I made for him, that all the hours that I past in Hospital should be paid by the agency where I was working. Even I had courage when I could not have nothing to eat I asked him if he could go out to buy me kebab. But the most silly I found when I ask to Justyna to give me back my specs, as I had given to her before the operation, and when she gave me back I complained that she had five hours, the duration of the surgery to cleaned it, but it was not cleaned, unforgivable. The last thing that Justyna remembers is the fact that I said to her that the time of operation there was a big mess, a big orgy was going on at the same time :)

It is amazing what the human brain can do after a massive dose of drugs. I can read my unconscious behind the quotations.

Big kiss and lovely weekend

Dangerous balance

Well, This morning I went to the Royal Free Hospital, this time not to speak with the doctors about the cancer in the Liver, but to see the Dermatologist. This appointment has origin in the days after the operation when I developed an allergy in all my body. Back to that days, in order to check the reason for the rash I spent all day doing different things such as submission to a local biopsy into the skin in the groins and I went to a special photographic studios where I needed to expose all my sexy body to the lenses of a professional cameraman to catch the detail of the allergy. It was a surrealistic picture, we went through half of the Hospital, We were after a special photographic studios which catches the worst pathologies in the human body. I was dressed in my dressing-gown and Justyna was pulling my wheel chair, even the transport did not help as my buggy had a problem in the front wheels making each manoeuvres by Justyna when necessary to pass through the corridors and jump in elevators a very complicated task. After cross several departments in the Hospital and almost got lost in its labyrinth we found this studios almost in the end of the Hospital, in a cave. There we were received by a gentleman which toke me to inside his sophisticated studios. What would come next would be only familiar to a professional of the pornography, It was asked me to undressed and meanwhile was switched on a different forms of lights to highlight the rash around my pelvis and bottom. Then the cameraman took in his hands a very powerful camera with a strong objectives starting to take shoots of my nudes. Justyna around could not stop to laugh, Me knowing that it was a case for a big laugh nevertheless I tried to keep serious to do not discompose and cry for all the tragic comedy morning that I was involved.

The biopsy and the pictures should have helped to have an idea of what problem I was facing. Additional It was also taken a sample from my scalp, related to a injury in the top of my head that keeps not healing for a few years. Today when I went to see the doctor I was calm but prepared for another bad news inclusive expecting that what I have in the scalp could be also cancer. But it was frustrating, after all the time and resources used, the doctor did not advance any conclusion, the rash in the body it was some allergy but it was not possible to identify, allergy to what. Then she asked me to submit in the next weeks to some controlled tests to exam if I would be allergic to some individual medicines, such as Penicillin, Tramadol or Acreotide. Also the problem in the scalp for the doctor it does not look cancer, but for that I will demand a more accurate biopsy to make sure what it is.

The day followed with another moment of my arising to the sky, where only the stars have place, This because I went for a singing performance in a school. This project run by Veena is related with a compilation of songs for children in different languages ending up with a CD record. I was invited to join a professional group of singers to sing in Portuguese and my task it was to chant the beautiful children song of "Eu fui ao Jardim da Celeste, Giroflé Giroflá ". After a couple of hours hard work I managed to scream the five verses of the composition.

The day did not finished without a debate between me and Justyna regarding to the last year, it would be very difficult o find such a fulfill and busy year, All happened in less than 365 days. Me and Justyna moved to a place to live together, deciding after to marry in December, ceremony even if faraway from our home unit our both family here in London. It was a dream to have so many friends associating to your happy and special day. It was a long and tiredness day essential to Justyna because she had already the seed of Olivia in her tummy. Our mummy's were the stars of the ceremony as they cooked a meal able to be served in table of the Gods in the heaven. Later our attention moved to the growth of the seed Olivia and been rewarded with the birth of the small and defenceless desired baby. That time it was me the healthier person, the most active, I was divided in between house, work and maternity. But after four weeks of the birth of Olivia it was my time to climb to the stage and been diagnosed the worst that we could imagine, Since that it was not all only torture because of Olivia and some more optimistic news that come to daylight later. It is case to tell "What a year".

The week is almost in the end, but with that is coming a visit of friend, Marian. The house will be represented by the Polish community and with that I also will be under pressure to improve my poor Polish language.

PS: The picture does not show, but few seconds after Justyna fell over breaking her ankle

Friends every where!

Hello,

So happy with myself, because even been a long day my body had a very positive answer. I had opportunity to see Shubhi as she came to visit us during her lunch time. Afterwards we went to Chestnuts Park and met with another friend, Veena. There we played cards together with Miriam, enjoying the last spells of sun for this season. In the evening I also saw Pajo and Jane. Friends is the base of my life, represents the air that feeds my breath and consequently unstoppable pulses me heart. I hope you agree, life could be only friends and the elements of the nature.

To finish the day I went to a Portuguese cafe in Camden, something that I used to do often in days of football games. Today after almost half year I went back again there and I really enjoyed, of course not for the result of the Portuguese team, we lost, but for the fact that I felt with a lot of energy and I could see myself again among normal co-citizens and feeling independent. Nice to listen the typical Portuguese swearing, even I witnessed two lads almost fighting for a tiny thing, apparently one guy was swearing to much close to the lady of the other one. Of course the reason for this grotesque episode was only too much beers. I have been distant from so many Portuguese for a while I could see that this lovely people still with the same style, long hair, strong side burns :) I also have my hair growing to match the standards.

The Independence that I felt was also because Justyna and Olivia could not come with us, so I needed to look after myself all evening. Slowly I start to increase my self-confidence. In the end I was coming home and I was feeling as small child very happy, like if I started to have permission to go out alone and of course feeling able to. It is time to the family start to do more things outdoors with the increasing of my energies.

Tonight, formally I need to apologise to the Kingdom of the animals, because I could not resist to see for too much longer a small mouse that keeps going around the house. Sorry but tonight we set five traps to catch it. We swear it was the last option, we looked for traps that would not kill the animal but it was impossible to find it leaving us only with this last chance to hunt it. If any rat read this, please let his fellow know that he must leave our flat tonight, otherwise we are about to do a crime.

Anyway I hope all other animals still could accept my friendship without resentments. My best regards Mr animal

Big kiss for all

Can you find some differences?

Hello,

This evening I am looking for this empty page and it looks a mountain to be climbed, No ideas are crossing my mind, anything that can be interested for the Humanity. Anyway I would like to take this lines only to tell you that are so many things that I have been postponed and now I do not know when I will be able to carry out. Frequently I was telling to Justyna, "One day we need to do this,... go there,...", we have to stop talking, the right attitude is, just do it.

Something that I had opportunity to do was during my childhood having so much fun, surrounded by the best that a children can aspire. Not as you think a Playstation.

I remember with so much happiness that time when I was living in Cruz de Pau, close to Lisbon when the summer arrived the streets were unbelievable fulfill of children, there was a space divided for all the categories. The older children were playing football, sometimes with balls of 0.0001 euro, but the owner were the King, He would have straight the doors open in the lineup for any team and seen the others one fighting to have a place in the match. Will not be necessary to tell that matches normally finished when the owner of the ball needed to go home to have his dinner or just because he became upset to be losing or nobody passed the ball to him, Anyway the scores were always with figures of two if not three digits. The ones that did not have a place in the footy opted sometimes to ride a bicycle or just watching and hopping for a vacancy.

When it was the time of the populars party of the Santos as Antonio, Joao or Pedro it was lovely to see the children jumping the fire meanwhile set up with all the pieces of wood and card found around, the mates were trying to jump higher and longer to conquer the heart of the small girls that were witnessing around, with a very shyness countenance or sometimes just pretending because were with mums around with hold hands. The most wild and outsiders played with pressurized cans, throwing to the fire and waiting to be launch to the cosmos. The intense noise of the the wood broken by the fire were mixed with the lauding screams of the children. The girls, normally played some different games in the direct observation of the parents, only some braves were able to interact with more freedom with the boys.

The summer also represented the end of the school, in a time when the heat and good whether were already a certain thing, Between June and July our playground would be transferred to the beach. Is good to remember all the rituals in the morning before I would pack all the stuff and departed for my journey to the beach. I would wake up around 7.00 Am aiming to reach the opening hours of the patisserie with scare that the all bread would run out, before we would reach the place - padaria, with a distance of almost 100 metres it was already possible to smell the fresh bread just cooked, Impossible was to resist also to a couple of Pastel de Nata or just a creamy Bola or Setubalenses. Afterwards, all the ways would take me as the other friends that could reach 15 friends, to the bus stop. Thousands of strategies were allowed to be used in order to be firstly and in a cheaper way getting in the beach, The ones with baby face, sometimes elders but with delay in the growth could catch the bus, as they would lye about their age without any problems and then not paying or paying only half of the ticket to the beach. The ones without that lucky, even sometimes with some short ugly hairy in the face, predicting what would become to shape the moustache, did not have any chances to pay anymore the half ticket. Thus, they need to lunch in a different manner to conquer their place in the beach. A strong possibility were start a random lottery by asking for a lift, in this group the most clever ones and more brave would join a group of girls. In that way getting a hijack with girls towards the seacoast would be just a mater of time rather than lottery. Lastly the sportive child just would take themselves to the shore cycling through the heat. It was really a big fun.

At least all the human being deserve a happy childhood, I am sure this is already written in somewhere.

Kisses

Self Portrait

Boa noite meus amigos,

It was strange today to woke up and do not see my mother around, for all morning me and Justyna were with the sensation of some emptiness, nobody come out from mum's room as usual to give us a good Morning or to volunteer to give us a hand with whatever. This feeling only started do disappear as the day went through and also we became more comfortable and happy when we contact and saw mum with all the family in Portugal enjoying a much more sunny day than here. It is wonderful to see the picture of the family having back some peace. I believe it was a very fulfill day to my mum, she could see the rest of the family including dogs, and luckily went on time to attend the religious ceremony of Nossa Sra Luz, em Lagoa.

Here, we had a very spicy lunch, what I suppose did not contribute to me to have the best digestion, I felt some stomach ache, but it past after some movements around the house. The dinner in the evening it was already regular, this might be related also to the fact that I still eat to much while I am not so active as I was before. Anyway I am keeping an eye on it and soon will start some exercise.

In the afternoon I had the visit of my friend Miriam, who lives also in London and after we decided to go down to the Angel and meet Pajo. We altogether went for a long and very pleasant walk along the canal. It was an opportunity to have some contact with the water, observe some people recreating themselves with kayaks and see the cyclist crossing the canal. To witness other people having fun and doing some sport is something that brings me a lot of memories and emotions. In one side I feel happy to show to Olivia how much the life could be enjoyable but for other side it make me think that I might be not able to do anymore some of the things that before represented important part of my life. It has been a very hard task for me, only in three months, to suddenly erase from the list of my day life things that before I took for guarantee. Three months ago I was eating and drinking all what I liked, I was playing football one day a week, jogging almost all evenings, cycling through all London, going out during the weekend, I just thought I would have this life style forever, doing all or more what a normal person could aspire. After only three months I am in other extreme, With significant less amount of confidence in myself, dependent for almost everything, less energetic, eating a reduced variety of food. Do not knowing if fighting for a life or just to extend it. As I suspected the tumour founded it was not a good deal, I can tell you even if it sounds, Tumour does not rhyme with Humour.

For a weeks we thought I could have straight a second operation but the doctors did not allow me to skip that important stage of the cancer, the chemotherapy, Unfortunately I will learn the real and full trip through the world of the Cancer. Without to much demand from me, honestly I still have a big hope based in the medical knowledge that I can finished this voyage alive. The battle is difficult but I will kill all the Cylons of the empire, inspiring in the Galactica serial that I watched tonight.

Warm Kisses