EUROliwia Star

Ola,

First day of our adventure to Belgian, Early morning we were in St Pancras station and after a safely and smoothly journey we arrived in the Gare du Midi in Brussels by the Euro Star. Our friend Filipa was waiting for us giving the welcome. The weather was more like British weather, with the rain present all day in the streets. Because of the early hour I woke up plus the jet lag, I was a very tired man, I become a important new tenant of Filipas sofa, Is good because is that what we were looking with this journey, to rest and to be together with our friends here in the Benelux.

Filipa has a great and wide house, and Oliwka is finding the perfect playground to exercise her first steps but crossing all the room crawling.

To something different, today I was watching the news and I was in shock, not revolted anymore just because I am already get use to these debouche. Thus I listened that a Portuguese politician Isaltino de Morais confessed that he was for a years diverting money from his supports to a bank account in Switzerland and of course meanwhile subtracting big sums of money from the honest stupid tax payers. Nevertheless coming out of the court he was smiling and keeping is arrogant figure, does not showing any signs of regret, probably also knowing that the justice in the Earth does not include Portugal. In the same day we witnessed another politician that I will not put my hands in the fire for him going out from the trial without any charges - Avelino Ferreira Torres, The usual.

Some people thinks that eventual the love they have for their most loved, the close family, sons or daughters, that I will not discuss give them moral authority to do all this sort of things to guaranty their future, like if nothing else would exist than their family and house. I feel responsible for Oliwka in terms of morality and pure love but never in terms of money or patrimonial terms that I will legate to her. I think this cannot do me a better or worst father.

Lets hope tomorrow the clouds will release a bit the skies to give us permission to go around the city.

Au revoir

Bonjour mes amis,

The live was going quite and boring, but we had the idea if we would increment something in this pause until operation to see if the time would pass quicker, then we find some cheap tickets to Brussels that did not give us any chance than to book straight away. Therefore tomorrow we will be already in the Continent and we look forward to spend some time with my friend Filipa & Luis and probably also see Carla in Rotterdam. At least my wish will be achieve as I will find myself one more hour close to the surgery day counting with an hour ahead since we past the Channel :)

So tomorrow morning we will need to be at 6.00 AM at St. Pancras/Kings Cross to catch the first Euro Star and we will be back next Tuesday evening.

Nevertheless with this short notice for our travel suddenly we need to pack and organize few things and also cancel other things already booked for this days, all this evening. Anyway the excitement is also a lot, and it is a pleasure to see our friend Filipa early in the morning.

Easy to get lost

Ola,

All day I been trying to relax and get my head out of some physical discomfort that I am been feeling, My experience of living with pain is like if I would sleep with a blanket that do not cover all body, when I control the sugars in the blood and I do not have headaches or anxiety, is the pain in the column that appears, and Whenever I do not suffer from either of them I would have a pain in the Liver. And in last case I still sometimes can experience as I had since yesterday, a pain in where it was the last surgery. This is suppose to be related with some liquid from the operation and now is planned to be drain in the next operation. In spite of all that I have reasons and I am positive, also Justyna and Oliwia are always with attention to my mood, trying to do not allow me to go down and keep in the right track.

Today I had my first experience of acupuncture, After the diabetes to feel the needles stick on me is something familiar :) But is this case led me to relax and is aiming to healing the wounds, to control my anxiety and to improve my immunisation system. As you already understood I am very open, not closing the doors to any form of medicine or alternative form that can help me to bring me comfort and peace. After the session I came home with Tom and together with Justyna, Oliwia, Shubi, Rayne and Taz had a great dinner. Perfect time in the company of our lager family.

Kisses for all

Assessment day

Oliwia as usual was our alarm clock, at around 7.30 she awoke everybody, now more I also could sleep. Slowly we got ready to pay our last visit to Royal Free Hospital before the operation, time that I will move my residence there for a while.

Later in the morning already in the Hospital I saw the nurse that assessed my condition, such as the Heart by measuring blood pressure and by a ECG (electrocardiogram), assessed the liver and kidneys by blood testes, and took samples of the tissue from inside the nose and skin in pelvis to track some species of fungous that lives in the skin. A doctor from the surgery team it was supposed to come around, but the meeting was delayed to the eve of the operation if not before.

The rest of the day we past indoors as the Sun did its farewell yesterday, today the raining arrived and I slept in the afternoon.

kisses

Mums day

Ola

A Sunday that was lived with the spectrum of the death of Jade Goody, In the morning me and Justyna faced the news of her death, already expected, but we both fall in a deep consternation and silence. Without speaking too much we understood what meant our sadness in that moment, It is something that can happen tomorrow to any of us. Additionally we have some experience to know the psychological pain and suffering associated to a such human tragedy. My sorry is not only because of the person in case which I did not know but, overall for what represents, Unfortunately in the hospitals every day we can find people passing through the same situation, when it was withdrawn and removed any chance to live or even to dream, I think after the surprise and the shock that is to been told you should not have any illusions this will be your last days, after it will come the entrails (Fernado Pessoa), you just dive in a deeply amorphous sleep, like if you would be in a bad Dream, Your life it will be around you and not going faraway from you any distance more than 5 meters. A dense curtain will descend over you and after you will see only through a fog. I was a few weeks in that line and this his what I remember. The strengths and courage slowly also will leave you to go to other places, and even crying is something that will become more rare.

Fortunately today in the afternoon we had the visit of our friends Kaska and Rafi, lovely to have a lunch and after having a walk outside in this earlier summer, I offered a bite of Portugal, my specialisation, bacalhau with bechamel.

It is good that the days and weeks are going so quick, my Liver I am sure are desiring to face the taste of the sharp knives and feel the warmth human hands, as now is giving me a constantly call, with a tiny pain around the area, Probably is happy that the surgery will be very soon, I need to tell him to stand just few more days, All will be OK mate.

But for the operation I need to have a battery of checkings and exams to asses my general condition, Thus, tomorrow I will be in the Royal Free Hospital to see the doctors and anesthetist to sort out this preliminaries.

In spite of this words today that probably you will find not the most positive, I reassure you that everything is alright with me, Just there is always a tiny sadness and anguish in my soul that I cannot get rid off. There are so many things to celebrate but also so many to do not...

Last week we had the Fathers day here in UK and to Mums to do not feel jealous, today they had their Special Day, Of course this day should be celebrated every day but it is an opportunity to reaffirm the virtuosity of the Mums, I have already the best experience with my mum that any son could have, She is simply the best mother of the World. Fortunately you all think the same as me. But now seeing Justyna, I understand even more the special place that mum conquer in the babies heart, out of reach for Fathers love.

Good Monday if it is possible.

Eleven months old

The days to celebrate here does not stop, Today Olivia reach her 11 months old since she born, but if we would count since she exists, She would be already after one year old. Why not? Probably we should start to celebrate two anniversaries, when we born and when we were conceived. She is still not speaking but she already understands a lot of things that is going one and responding in her way.

Therefore it will be a very busy month, the next one, we will have the Reveillon and after the Olivias birthday.

Mummy today was suffering from headache, probably due to lack of iron that has been diagnosed in her last blood tests. She needs to enrich her diet with more components of iron, also need to cut in caffeine. Thus, we have been most of the day at home, sleeping and organizing home. We went out only to see the sunsetting, enough to came home with our spirit reinvigorated.

Don Quixote

It is the sugars, it is the Cancer, It is the chemotherapy, that not allow me to do what I use to do, Working, doing jogging, playing footy, or just go out in the evening, and thousand other things, Nevertheless there is something that I still have, freedom to dream and to be mad, to built up my castles even if only in the clouds, The Lady(s) already exits to occupy the throne now is necessary to find our refuge to live our happiness life.

I am willing to dream as much as possible until I will not awake from the dreams, I prefer to find my fortress and live forever in that dream rather than in the reality where all of Us are living. So many unbearable injustices and unhappiness become part of our breath.

Olivia is always close to us in this wandering, it is not a easy task but we have only One World to walk and a big battle to win. We are seriously dreaming to have a break and travel after I will conclude my business :)

Good to have weekend knocking on the door, it was a very intense week, I am really almost crazy, let us have a rest.

Lovely weekend