My Presepio

I am one of those guys that likes to find troubles and distress when there is no need. I had a terrible day, tired, confuse, and this because of small things that sometimes torments my spirit. But this small thoughts sometimes gets the size of a mountain that puts in my way. The night was also not a good adviser, as I could not sleep because of Olivia, disturbed by the spots, that now has covered part of her body. I do not know if those spots had already reached the highest point of their maturity, or instead this night they will keep Olivia awake again and then me :(

The house is getting prepared for the Nativity, Before it was the Christmas tree, today was the Presepio which appear in scene.

Positive behind the negative

The secret to continue to find the happiness or better the Peace in these days is just making the most from each second and minute. And it is not in what I see but in what I understand from it. For this I am having the help of my special glasses, that blurs the accessory and only catches the essential. It is just to stop to do whatever I am doing and look intensely to the surround and easily I found what makes me proud of living and to be here enjoying more this seconds. What I need it is not in what is coming tomorrow, it is not in any fantasy, it is today and in this reality even if it is very bitter. The bad and the negative can be positive as well.

Christmas tree

It is not only me which is struggling to do not fail down after the news from the doctor, it is also the Snowman which did not resist to the melting and in the end of the day his precarious condition pushed him to the ground. Even if struggling and fighting I am still faraway from giving up. There is another chapter opening after the tablets Sunitinib run out its effect, next month according to the oncologist I should start radiotherapy, probably with some direct injections in the Liver or with some catheters transporting some medicines through intravenous. One by one the tools have been used, which makes me a bit worried and scare.

At home it is not only me and the Snowman that are with problems, it is also Olivia which is now getting few more spots but hopefully the chicken-pox would not get too strong, it is a danger for her and also for me with the most likely weak antibodies in my immune system. But of course the priority is Oli, She is the owner of the World. Would you believe if I tell that Justyna has also a flu? For a week and today she has cough and pain in the chest.

As we all know, to fight the bad mood and the bad spirits nothing better than to do the good or plant a tree, then today we did plant a tree, though an artificial one. Now I want to enjoy and love this Christmas, laugh and stay with family and friends.

Virus on the loose

I did my best, but it looks that was not enough, I need to do even more. Cause the unwanted Cancer apparently did another leap forward, The doctor highlighted that I should not panic, but it looks that at least the tumour in the Liver has grown few millimetres, now with 19 millimetres, still bellow than 2 centimetres, which is a psychological barrier that nobody wants to cross. It was another punch in the stomach that I am still recovering, I have been down again, and the tears wet the sheets in my bed. But they are sometimes necessary as well as a good sleep. At night I am already more fresh and positive.

I am already used to be catch by this news always when I am in the high, so this news were not completely unexpected. The only thing that I can do is trying to carry on with my Life and do not bring this reality often to my thoughts.

The other equation that was revealed today, was the fact that Olivia caught the chicken-pox virus from her cousin, this afternoon we spotted the first blisters, After all it make sense, she has been complaining all day, drowsy, but we did not know why.

If it was not enough having the Cancer at home, now is also the chicken-pox under the roof. The Life has also days like these :)

Hibernation

With such a cold outside few things make me to adventure in the snow, one is my Art class, today I carried on with still lives but now with pastel, difficult but very challengeable. I think I will give more chances to this technique, I like it. Another, but less enjoyable is the visits to doctors, Tomorrow I will meet the oncologist to know more about my last scan, Hopefully the disease still stable. I have been trying to help with plenty of visualizations and positives thoughts. Whatever happen, I need to face the Life as it is, endless unpredictable, and it is not a few more or few less centimetres of the tumor that should change that.

Tai Chi

I said that I am not eating meat anymore but I did not say that I am vegetarian, OK. Today we had a fish that my mother brought to us last week, It was wonderful to taste the fish and remember about the pleasures that I use to have in Portugal. Nevertheless, the face very tender of this Golden fish over the plate plus with the movie Nemo that we been watching, triggered some sensations of humanity to the animal. Sorry Nemo.

The best of the day was a trial lesson of Tai Chi that I had in the library, With its softness and sloth makes the perfect activity for my needs.

Just now my house was invaded by a dog, In the beginning we thought it was a fox outside looking in our rubbish, but when I looked it was instead a very friendly dog, that comes inside the house straight away, for a minute I though that is it: I will adopt this dog, but the owner had appeared after looking for the animal. So he could go also to her house.

Ice age

This year the snow arrived even earlier, I have been in England already for 7 years and I have not seen such a snow as last year( this is also on the way), since I came. Can I concluded that I am witnessing the Ice age? Anyway, today with the snow another friend knocked on the door, It was the snowman which this year looks even more poor, looking for his appearance I guess he might has lost the job as well, without proper cloths and barefoot. We only could give him plenty of ice creams and a place outside to stay, because the house is full.