Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Walking carefully


Today I was in a more reflexive day, looking more inside, tried to find a fine refuge in my thoughts. All that mood it was not enough to get in a meditation, I started to meditate but I think a slightly anxiety did not allow me to find in the meditation such a peaceful exercise that should be, then for several times I gave up. During the day I contacted with the nurse responsible for diabetes in the Royal Free Hospital, to let her know about the day of the operation, as she asked me before. She promised that will give me all the attention and will be close to me in the day of operation, next Thursday and in the days after. She reminded me again to be calm but also be aware about the huge task after the surgery, All abdomen must the open, one cut will be from the diaphragm until the navel and another one will open from the Liver until the Pancreas again.

It is very important in the days after to keep controlled the sugar levels as it will determine the good healing of the wounds and also for me more important will help me to keep my psychological condition in terms to command the recovering. I remember last time when the first operation because of the sugars been out of control I had some desperate moments. So I hope this time the things will go better through that side.

After lunch I was feeling that I needed a fresh air to reinvigorate the confidence, so I went alone for a short walk looking for something that I did not know, adrift without any route and destiny. So if I had not plans it most been the wind in my back that took me to the area where I lived until one year ago - Willesden Green. It was the first time since then I come to recognise the territory that once was mine. The area is not brilliant, I do not missed anything from there, so the question is why did I come here? Already there I took even one step further and I allowed a gusts of wind to pull me to the street where I had my former address, now I realise it was to late and I decided to face whatever it overcomes from Balmoral road. I would find out if the territory that once I had my quarter now would be a enemy area, and I was unarmed. In the base of my reckless decision was the theory of probabilities, I reckoned by my calculations that it would be very unlikely to be acknowledge by any living soul during my journey through the suspicious road, and even more crossing with my former flatmate. I have had a very good memories at the time I lived there with Justyna and the embryonic Olivia apart of the style of life that my flatmate carried on that sometimes was conflicting with ours. Therefore, my predictions to cross the road and ended up safely were a pure mistake as it was almost defeated when already close to the house and unexpectedly I saw coming out of the flat the Mr former flatmate, I confess I was a bit nervous, feeling a small shiver in the spine, but firmly I kept the attitude and looked to the friend challenging him to a conversation if necessary in the best scenery. Nevertheless, the impossible happen, without anybody in the next mile around, the man did not recognize me, passing by in the other side of the road with his typical mannerism and walk aiming probably a pack of cigarettes in a shop over the adjacent road. Now, I was not happy, been exposing myself, just for a stupid self confidence to a such dangerous confrontation. When I though, so now I can go to see the area near the flat satiating my curiosity and go home, on the way back I saw again the mate, now in the same road and in a collision course with me, there was nothing I could do, it is now, I was sure, but again he looked with one eye on me and diverted his path, passing 30 centimetres from me and there he goes to his house confused in his own thoughts. Flagrantly our destiny does not look to intersect again. In a future adventure I must wear a disguise, either an artificial moustache or an extra leg. It is important to have in mind what happen to Tertuliano and with his double man (Homen Duplicado, Jose Saramago), A man should never walked unprepared, affronting the coincidences. It is always a lapse that dictates the unhappy ending stories.

With such an adventure in the pocket I come to my present home, I was definitely needing some rest. Only in the afternoon I had John piked up all the family to go for a tea in Maria's house. The evening could not go better, The table of food turned out a ping pong table of jokes and good will.


John is picking us up

In the trampolines of Maria's house

I had a go, I did not go to high

Now is time to relax and a drink

I swear, the beer is not mine

Olivia choosing her first sound in the jukebox John, as usual, a story tellerMaria, the only one who worked today, good citizen

Olivia has not decide what to do next
She is the boss

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