Carrot cake

We were supposed to stay only overnight in Veena's place and come back home in the morning, but we were  enjoying so much the day that we stayed with our friend until the evening. Olivia skip her nursery as I my charity shop. Only Justyna went to work in her charity shop. We had a great time, we baked a wonderful cake for the Unknown teddy bear birthday party and Olivia had her Yoga session with Veena. I was amazed to listen all Olivia's English vocabulary, not often I listen her speaking so much in English. I feel some good energies around again :)

Back to the party

The day could not start better, having my adorable pill and even before the breakfast I went outside to drop the bin and I had a great surprise planted outside the door, I big doggy poo. Of course, my shoes landed on that smelly present. Only inside I realised what I brought sticked to the shoes, but it was too late. After, I was more than an hour cleaning and desinfecting the house. But the smell kept for longer. Justyna could not bear the smell and even think about the breakfast and we left home straight away. Hopefully all this shit means a lot of lucky on the way :)
Today I could not miss the mass, as today is also the celebration of N. S. de Fátima. I am sure my mother was all day thinking and praying to her. This is not only a difficult days for me, It is also not easy for family and friends. Together soon we will sort this out. 

Later Olivia put all her tricycles out, she wanted to give away her vehicles that she is not using anymore. Outside our frontyard looked like a garage. But, not all is beautiful, today I was upset with myself when I screamed with Olivia and I was not right, It is very frustrating to see sometimes our frustrations ended up in Olivia. We need to be strong with ourselves for our princess.

But in the evening, since we entered Veena's house all the problems were left outside, we had a wonderful time with Veena and Ben. Shame that Krishna could not join the party and feast this time.

"Everything is always alright in the end"

Well, I am trying to get back my life to the as normal as possible, I thought for a while to skip my day in the charity shop, but in the end I decided to go, Not to go would be a bad precedent. I went and just enjoyed the morning helping someone who also needs my hand. It was a very positive day, There was Shubhy and Tom in the afternoon that almost make me feel as if it was not necessary the Sun . I am now very tired and battle with a small cough in my chest, Any problem scares me, because I cannot afford to drop this pills. Or probably I can, What has to be it will be :) My friend Daniela was quoting for me something that she heard in a film that I liked, Everything is alright in the end if it is not alright then it is not the end yet.

Everolimus station

The day arrived very early, even earlier than the morning, before 6.00 AM my low sugars alarmed me and I was already awake, The Sun was shinning again and even a family of foxes were lovely wandering in our garden, All that signs that did not want to mean nothing. The day was not to offer me anything else that I should be glad.

The bad dream is about to carry on, the next station in the Northerline is now Everolimus. Even asking today to be seen by a different doctor, Dr. Rupinda - the nicest one, didn't help - the results and answers were more or less the same as last week, Not many encouraging words. The doctor told us about the stubbornness and the very singular idiosyncrasy of my Cancer and lymph nodes, they look that they tend to respond very well to the first sets of treatments of any kind but suddenly and quickly adapts and starts to resist to the treatments. At least, something clever out of all this.

I am starting to take now every day this Everolimus pill, a very prosaic word for such a strong pill and where my next future lies, at least they could get a more illuminated word for its name. Anyway, it was the pharmacist giving me the pill and the next minute I was having straight away the first one, No minute to be lost. According to what was told to me I should expect many side effects, few I already feel on the way, but at least the lost of appetite it still faraway. I think it still to be born a generation of Cancer pills that can take away my appetite.

Today my reaction could be compared to a kettle, firstly I was staring and very cold listening to all doctor's words, but when outside few minutes after I exploded, I was boiling inside and just couldn't stand anymore, I needed to cry. Justyna was telling how all this sounds like a surrealistic play, I still look OK, but from what doctors say I should not be feeling good anymore, every single spot doubled in size.

Neverland

Olivia dreams about the Neverland, where nobody got sick or dies. It is to save her dream that we are not taking her tomorrow to the Hospital. Tomorrow me and Justyna are back to the Hospital to try to understand better what is the plan, I cannot avoid my brain to freeze thinking about what we can listen tomorrow from the doctors. To think that the bad news I already took on board, and now nothing could be worst than that, this perspective does not help nor makes me calmer, I already proved that there is always something worse than the bad. I feel as if in the bottom there is no end.

Mustard Seed

Today I woke up much better, at least with the desire to stand up and take the most from the day, I had good reasons for that, I had the very early visit of Tom, He took me to the Amaravati Buddhist Monastery. If I was already feeling better comparing to days before here I overloaded with good energies. The food was great and the opportunity to have a the talk with a Portuguese Monk was very uplifting. It was full of curiosity the conversation with Appamado, I found that we could be almost family, his parents were from the same area as my parents in the Algarve, also his father later went to Lisbon and worked in the same company as my father, He used to go to the same beach as me, His name before the ordination was Vasco, same as my friend. We laughed so much, because in every lines that we explored we found a lot of similarities. Portugal is small but not that small :)

To speak with him was good, I found a different approach. I've been looking for the answers and the path to my serenity - But I might have been confronted with a non-solution problem. I, as all of us, need to understand the inevitability of Death. He was telling me the old story of the Mustard seed, Once an old lady grieving her son who had just died come to Buddha to ask if he could use his powers to resurrect her son, and Buddha asked her to go through the village and to pick up a handful of mustard seeds for each house that has not been touched by the death, where no son, no daughter, no father have died. In the end the lady came back to Buddha with an empty hand. This to understand that there are things that we need to live with.

Shakespeare cycle

In spite of some pain in the Liver and in the soul the first Sun rays gave us a small push that we want to take advantage and take the lift. It was not only the Sun, but also the Reiki session gave me some extra energy, and more the great company of Vasco made a different day. The pain is now more visible and less invisible, what is a better sign for me.

Justyna had her first experience in the Shakespeare cycle that started in the globe in Sounthbank,  Soon we will go for the Portuguese performance of Romeo and Juliet.