Man or Woman?

The days are now with more colour at least in my head, even with the persistent rain and wind outside I am feeling better this mornings. It is not about pain or about anything else, The news and the problems are still the same, but I just feel more happy and enjoying the day. Perhaps it is also about Hormones. Maybe one of this days I will wake up with blood in the genitals and then I will realise that I am starting to have what the ladies have cyclically, The menstruation. It is the only explanation for this ups and downs in the mood, Sometimes I do not want to come out from the bed but sometimes the Life is only mine. The ladies know what I am talking about.

The day I pass with Olivia, Justyna is spending more time with studies, I can witness Olivias talents over the canvas. She has definitely a very good relation with the brushes and crayons. We went today to the child centre, the place for the Lilliputians, all are small, babies size.

Caravan of love

Our life has been a constantly moving around, similar to a gypsy family, Often days out in Hospital make us take all our needs in our bags. Olivia is the master of Gypsy Life, always that goes out never takes risks, she goes always with her buggy full of her toys, teddy bears, creams, keys. She is already famous in High Barnet for the Girl of the buggy.

Today was a wet day outside was all day raining but also indoors me and Olivia had a fantastic long bath, My mood is again up :)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOjG91LX8Wg

Viva La Art

Today I had the privilege of having a visit of il mio amico Bruno, a friend that I met when I was doing Art classes, It is such a joy just listen him speaking about Art, but not only, seeing his works in canvas it is a delight to get all the tips and advises from him, I tried to absorb and learn a bit from his knowledge, The next step is to go out together to the parks and museums to draw and painting. Probably with him I will not feel so shy. I hope the conversation with him will give me now the extra motivation that I needed to go ahead with more works. The day went very peaceful and even Olivia was so calm, just enjoying to stay around us.

Era bom que trocassemos umas ideias sobre o assunto

And the weekend is done, shorter than usual, at least hampered in a less one hour, but it was full of good food and full of good chats. This part of life it would be one of the things that I would miss in any eventuality, probably even more the food. I have had always a very close relationship with the food and it has not been the disease or surgeries that took away this our relation. In the last weeks it has been very present on me how much I am missing the conversations, even more the silly conversations with friends, around a cafe table or in a sofa. Something that I use to have in Portugal. And whenever I have the opportunity to change ideas and have discussions with friends, leaving behind matters with Cancer, I realise how it boosts my moral and courage. Sometimes, I must agree with Justyna it is more than the Cancer, it is myself who destroys my recovering and belief. The book in the top title from Mario de Carvalho which is about a prosaic story elapsed somewhere in my familiar Costa da Caparica and Lisbon city, He refers to a alpinist that almost reaching the summit he forgot about the less obvious, His back, somebody was throwing on him stones from the floor. The enemies are where we do not expect.

So the afternoon was emulated in a lovely Indian meal in Veena's House and a very relaxing conversations around the table with Nick and Crishna

Different World

Today I took a lift from Sergio and we went to meet with Vasco in Nothing Hill, A very relaxed day with Portuguese Boys. Even with a meal in a Portuguese restaurant. Also the afternoon showed how the age has pass through, after the lunch we looked now for a quiet tea and relaxing time in the sofa. Some years ago the story would have been different.

Primadonna

To change the course of another day, to be able to smell again and see the colors of the happiness that must exist in any living life early in the morning we left home looking for adventure outside. Olivia loves the surprises breakfast, essentially when is English full breakfast in a typical cafe. After, we all went to the Clarks shoes shop, where Olivia and Justyna would found their idle shoes for their delicate size. This time, I was the only one coming out without new shoes.

In the evening I did the dinner to keep me busy and forget all the discomforts, Sea Delights it was the closest to the Sea fish as I could get here in London to cook a Portuguese Sea fish Rice. In the end I was happy with the dish.

Lastly, just to say how happy we were when Shubhy told us that Neil have been told today his last marks from his exams and now on he is a Doctor, Congratulations Neil :)

Love outside the mirror

I always felt an indescribable attraction for the effects given by a mirror, and it happens in a variety of situations in life, Can wider the perspective of space that is why some people cover their small rooms in mirrors, often toilets, but can also can narrows the sight. It can boost the dreams or can chop those. Even, there are who says that is the best toll to show deep inside, the soul perhaps. And the ugliest figure as I can recall the vampires never come reflected in the same. By the way my reflexion it becomes slightly blurred but it still recognizable.

In the other day I was also trying to understand and I listen few theories explaining why our reflexion in the mirror is behaving in one way when we looked to our right and left inside reflexion (inverted) in the mirror and instead we looked in the perspective up and down (not inverted) I confess I did not get a satisfactory answer yet.

But this come about because Justyna bought yesterday a mirror to our home and in fact that piece of furniture touched in my feelings more than suppose, as it showed my legs and body even slimmer, And this feeling of frustration with that glass rose even more when I saw Justyna happy with it, as for her, her body was tightener.

Flowers are also a remedy

The night went quickly because of a good sleep I could enjoy, I woke up at 5 am what is very good in the current days, Nevertheless there are mornings that the words from the doctors echo strongly in my mind and this morning was one of those, Trying to gain some time is what we can do, and other strong remarks sometimes jumped to the top of my mind and do not go away. This is the dangerous atmosphere that starts early in the morning a poisons my feelings and mood for all day and spreads to Justyna.

Today the things only got better when Justyna brought a set of flowers for our Spring, The colors infected and uplifted my mood.

Inspiring nun

I am still living my busy social life even if restricted to walls of the Royal Free Hospital. A day after the chemotherapy I had my CT scan at lunch time, The nervous were attached to me all day, Hopefully all will be good or at least not too bad. I am not expecting the paradise but neither the disaster. I had all the waiting time a inspiring nun close to me, which is also fighting with the Cancer, It can mean the goodness for us and for everybody around us. I will only know the results in two weeks time.

Meanwhile, the Life kept in its pace, of course it will never stops, Olivia is enjoying the spells of spring, preparing to spend her time in the garden when the Summer fully arrives, And if it will be true the predictions from the Weather forecasters this will be hottest Summer ever. Of course we need to look for that with more Hopefulness then full thrust. And in Holland the extend family of Carla and Luis are having the best time of their Lives, It is so beautiful to see them.

The day finished great with the results from the Justyna's essay coming out, The mark was fantastic, we are all very happy, Now she is waiting for the next one in April.

Chemotherapy-session 10

Another chemotherapy session in my CV, my calculations are telling me that by now I should have around 90 hours of chemotherapy, I guess soon I should be able to have the breve or pilot license in this airfield, at least for a small ones. Today, instead of the three drugs that normally makes my cocktail I was given only two, looks that One has run out, It is strange but I do not want to think too much about that, It was told us that by the next session all should be already regular.

Now, I am at home hugely tired and also with some pain in the left side of the belly, I need to keep positive to past through all this and to the CT scan booked for tomorrow will take a lovely pictures of a not too hill body.

Best friend

Suddenly today Justyna caught a big flu, she was almost all day in bed with headache and pain in the body. It was sad to see the strongest link so weak and in bed. But it was as well touching to see Olivia in solidarity with her mother, She did not want to leave her mum, She was all morning in bed with Justyna, only in the afternoon I convinced her to come to the park, It was a wonderful time at least for me, enjoying all the moments with the small Olive.

In the morning I spoke with the renewed mum, Carla, and we were very happy to know that she is also good and the babies are getting stronger.

Now it is me and myself, I will try to organize myself, and getting prepare psychologically for tomorrow's chemo session. It will be the time that I will change to other side of the pitch, I will try now on to score in the other goal, This because it is starting the second half. It will be the 4th of this cycle of 6.

So see you later

Ola Matilde e Manuel

Great day, No words to describe how we felt with the news, Carla gave this morning birth to her wonderful twins, It was hard for her I am sure but now all will be alright, And I can see that Matilde and Manuel are so beautiful, I understand why she is in Love with her little babies. All the large family deserved this happiness, Congratulations to Carla, Luis, Francisco and Rodrigo.

Also today I had the visit of my friends Sandra and Vasco, I have not seen Sandra for a long years and now I am happy that she might coming to live in London in order to do her PHD. Go ahead.

Omnipresence

It was around 11 A.M. we arrived in the Hospital, it was confuse for me to decide what to do as at almost the same time I needed to do my blood test, see the Dermatologist and also meet the Oncologist. Applying to my Omnipresence nature I just needed to do a random game to decide where to be first. I went in second place to see the Dermatologist, at the moment I do not have a serious problems do discuss with the doctor, at least not any cancerous issue, thus the appointment it was more to keep her updated. She also assured me or more told about her faith in my health, in her words after seen how my body been passing through so much and seen its response to all the treatments, surgeries and aggressions, myself will fatality recover and survive to another bunch of Cancer cells, She adjective me a robust and bionic man. I hope her words would be prophetic.

Afterwards, I just had time to put my huge folder in between my arms and travel downstairs to see the Oncologist, Today after more than a year I saw again Doctor Rupinda, She is very friendly and patient, she was explaining everything again and responding to all my questions. She reminded how frustrating and disappointed was for all the doctors to see my results as they were convinced of the things going in different direction, She said that unfortunately something went wrong as some cancer cells were left behind after all the surgeries making the things more difficult now. She told me that the operation will be always difficult to happen, more because I will need my body fit and sharp to carry on with the treatments, Another operation it might will not bring any good as the Cancer likely will reappear again somewhere else. Now there is this chemotherapy that should decrease the nodules in the tummy and in the Liver otherwise....

The day was not only to remember my nightmare but also to celebrate my day, Yes, today is Father's day in Portugal, and soon will be Father's day in Poland and after in England. I already feel sorry for Olivia because she will need to use all her pocket money to buy me presents in this days :)

Hello Londyn

Hello London, We are here again and looks with less cold than when we left. We are all very tired. Just time to rest and tomorrow start another cycle in the Hospital, firstly just see the oncologist and next week chemotherapy and XRs to check how I did respond to the first 3 sessions. So tomorrow the meeting it will be only for beans only next week will be serious when I will be told all the news.

Do widzenia

Last day was to say Do widzenia to the family, also we had a large diner because of Justyna's father Name's day. But mainly we did something that we planned since the beggining, to visit the sanctuary in the village close to Justyna's house, in Zagorow, According to the legend when this area was bombed there was a figure from the Virgin Mary that become the only thing not destroyed in the church.

Thus, tomorrow we will be already in London and I am sure Olivia will miss all and even more the grandmother 's tender.

Driving in the snow

Another day another chapter in the wielkopolska, visiting Justyna's family, Here a visit always means plenty of food and tea on the table :) It is indilicate to not accept the offer and I also not complain as the food it is always so good. Also, the exercise that I am use to do is to observe in detail all the walls and counting the tiles in the floor whenever we are in visits, This because of my Polish do not give me chances to go deep in the communication.

Meanwhile, today I had an opportunity to drive in the snow when we went to see the family and to the village.

Polish winter

Yesterday and today the freezing temperatures decided to show up, Outside it is a proper Polish Winter, I enjoyed this morning a walk through the forest. Of course a small walk before I started to do not feel my limbs. Firstly, I saw footprints of an animal, probably a deer that I thought I could follow as they do in the movies, but the cold did now encourage me to go further.

Yesterday we had the visit of Gregory and Hola, friends of Justyna that are living in Warszawa, it was a realy nice day, I could practice my poor Polish. Furthermore I could do a figure bit more than rediculous, because Hola speaks also English, so then I did not need to only smile and use my small list of words that I know. But with time it will be better, probably a lot of time.

Day of the cakes

So today I could not resist to the cakes as you can see Olivia also licked and shaved the bottom of the dish.

Olivia everyday meets more family members, today she could meet her great-grand parents from grandmum's side, as Justynas grandfather came home from Hospital. This evening I am bit more relax, probably because of a long nap this afternoon. I am now less down and pessimistic.