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Sunday, August 24, 2008

Not always the life is like this


Ola,

I know that some of you looked for any news about myself during the period I was in Hospital, But it was impossible for Justyna to write what was going on in the blog, She did not have any time left for that, She was leaving me in the Hospital around 23.00 to comeback in the other day in 8.00 Also in a ping pong between me and Olivia.

The journey started in Wednesday evening, we were back to the hospital, definitely a place competing with my normal address as my regular home. Inclusive I am thinking to give the Hospitals’ address to banks and etc. So, the beginning started with a small confusion, been given to me the wrong bedroom, actually it was more a suite. But after they changed me to a normal room. The two mates in the room they were with diverse problems, apparently one with dysfunction in the kidney and the other with problems in the shoulder, I hope they had a good luck.

If while arriving in the Hospital I was not sure if the surgery was waiting for me, that doubts vanished when we saw my thick folder in the reception. I was in the surgery list for the day after. At around 10.00 pm Wednesday Justyna, Olivia, mum and my cuisines left me in Hospital. I remember when left alone it was only waiting for me a book, a notebook and a pen, but my fears blocked my ideas, I was not able even to describe what was going on in my mind, Just the calm of somebody who must me prepare for everything, there was no guaranties of nothing and that day as today the hope was still faraway from reality. In that night I already did not sleep too much or in fact I did not sleep at all, All the time nurses were coming inside the room for different checks and it was only 4.00am when started all the normal procedures and preparations for the surgery.
Like if in a Ballet it was the scenery, the dancer undertakes a very strict procedures before climb to the stage for his performance, in the surgery all the intervenients also need to follow different routines and rituals, Not only the operator but also the patient. Thus, I was connected to a drip at 4.00am which provided to me some calories, insulin an drugs. Then, I had time to relax and concentrate a bite more in my performance. Around 6.00am slowly I went for a shower, shave myself, time to look for the last time in my face through the mirror and thought-I am ready for this.
Afterwards I move to the privacy of my bed and gently dressed up an apron, pyjama and also a special tight stocks, here not for ballet but for the circulation of the blood, Finally I took out my ring and necklace and I was left for the last time with myself and with my thoughts. It come to my mind the silly thought and, If all this it was a terrible mistake and I did not have cancer. All was an accumulation of errors :)

Before I move to the big stage, or theatre, the name they called the operations room, I realized that the Sun was shinning this morning, what just made me think I need to get out of here as soon as possible to go outside. But I still needed to wait 5 hours until the end of the surgery.

Lastly, I was transported in a special bed until the stage, in the way I meet the Consultant doctor Fasai and I told him Good Morning and he straight come to me with other doctor and in a gesture that I doubt it was to calm me he marked in my belly the way he wanted to be cut my belly, and made sure that the other doctor understood. The incision needed to be in a special way, as they wanted to have a look in the liver and probably to be easier in the time of the next operation. Then I was moved quickly to the stage and meanwhile I needed to say good-bye to Justyna. Few more things that I remember was the anaesthetist that come along had all his body with tattoos and did a small hole in my spine where he dropped the epidural after just time to smell something by the mask and the last complain, vomit, but I was already knocked out.

Afterwards and for at least next 5 days I cannot put all the pieces together, only remember to have pain and fell very frequently syringes plus painkillers. Because of that I was left all the 7 days in the hospital without any sleep, something that I still cannot understand why did happen. All the time I was trying to close the eyes it come to my mind without any exception different pictures, must of them I still keep in my brain, normally some squares, triangles, sometimes some movies, almost sure portraits I had in my depth conscious, and even I remember an image of a baby that was zooming out, which done such a beautiful picture.
Good Night

2 comments:

Treta said...

Esta já está. Que venha a próxima!

Célia e Pedro Neiva

Luís Ganhão said...

Força Hélderon.