Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I am running away from this guy


Not much I still can do nowadays, Living in between the comfort of my bed and the cares of my love Justyna. Even the most easy activity could be such a challenge for me, standing up from my single bed is something that I need the help of Justa and either the washing and cleaning is another thing that made me a total dependent man.

Today I felt tired after my walk, cause I incremented more km in my small walk. For that ambition I paid with tiredness when I came back home. But all normal. Regarding to good news, today I noticed that I put on weight 200 gr, reaching 63.4 Kg, Olivia is almost competing with me.

Hard to deal for me is to know the right amount of food I should eat, if in one side I need to control the sugars levels and also my body is still not able to absorb big portions but in the other side probably because of the big transformation that my body is still trying to adapt, is asking me for more food, I am writing this lines and I am thinking about a nice meal :)
The environment at home is helping so much, now less frequently the bad thoughts are assaulting my mind, I remember in the Hospital the discomfort and pain in my mind was something that I was used to, for that it contributed fact that in my room were three other mates, all of them with cancer and with very complicated situations. In such an environment it is difficult to build up your own confidence. I hope they will forgive me but rarely I opened the curtains that surrounded my bed to speak with them. One situation was scarily very similar to mine but his prospectives were very low, In this context I refused to know any more things even his journey in spite of he wanted to describe me his details. Please forgive me, I know I was coward and selfish.
Few nights I try to sleep listening the pain and the claiming of others, sometimes their tooth shaking because of the fever. In the first nights I was in panic that some of them in the way to toilets would felt in my bed. After I gave up, I never could sleep any minute in that room.
I dreamt for the day they come and told me that the next and last night they will move me to another ward, more light, Thanks God.
I need all of you

1 comment:

Treta said...

Meu querido amigo,

adorei voltar a ler os teus "pensamentos" quando voltaste do hospital. Já tinha saudades de ter notícias tuas!
Tens contigo, três grandes mulheres que te têm ajudado e continuarão a fazê-lo, tenho a certezinha absoluta. Eu sei disso e, fico muito descansada mesmo por teres esse grandioso apoio, meu querido amigo. Parabéns minhas queridas, Justina, Rosinda e minha "nhonhoca" Olívia.
Com muita saudade, beijocas e abraços da Célia Neiva
Tentaremos ver-vos a todos em breve.