Friday, May 28, 2010

Groundhog Day

The same and the same and plus the same again, The morning confirmed what I know and I cannot do too much, that I am definitely stake in a Web without a chance to move too much, I will need what I do not have to not move out from this but to be happy in this ground. The reception of the Oncologists was more sad than ever, I did mentioned this to Justyna, It was full of sad and people that cannot pretend that they are not sick, People too much pale and too much tired to simply go to the weight to be checked their weight. The only conversation that I had with a patients daughter was frustrating to me to see their frustration, their news were severe painful, I could see in their faces.
The waiting was very long but do not increased my nervous even more because they were already on the top. But I survived to be called and go to see Dr Tim Meyer. There it came the biggest frustration. The doctor for sure has not checked my situation before, and while I was on front of him he went through the report from the last scan which took him long long minutes, During this time I only felt Justyna's hands holding mines which I responded her with a stupid smile, telling her how strong I am and I would take with the biggest normality any cataclysm, Of course this smile was only showed outside because in the interior I was feeling my heart beating and I could do the pi as Olivia use to do, in the pants. I saw so many headlines in the report and plus the big silence in the room make me thing that the worst was already a fact, In a fraction I prayed for all the Saints if any of them still could rescue me. Only after seen the doctor looking and looking everywhere in my folder and in the computer, as if he was aftering something, I got courage and asked about the results from the last scan, in the end it is the only thing important, Then he explained us that this exam was only to examine the Spleen and not all the other organs. In the time of last appointment he was in holidays that is why they did not book the exam as should be, There was a bad communication between the doctors. So now I will still need to do another exam that will give all the picture of my body and the development of the Cancer, Only with that and when I will comeback in July I will know again what I will need, if more chemotherapy, if tablets, or nothing. I just need to wait one more month to know if we can go to Portugal, He advised us to wait and do not book anything because this scan it will be important, and it is better to not run on the front of the future and results, we should be prudent. The results will tell if we can go to the Sun or not.
The only good thing from this it was the last exam that I did confirmed the nodule that I have in the Spleen is definitely not Cancer but a dysfunction from the surgery, less one spot to be worried.

After all this emotions and frustrations I did feel very down and sad again, something that I have seen before and it also because of that I must think positive and know that tomorrow I will be feeling better again, Funny was in the park with Olivia when I was in a moment of distraction playing in the climbing frame a boy came to me and asked me if I was a father or I was a man with special needs. I was without words.

1 comment:

Ana Cristina said...


We always need all the package to be happy, and even so everything is not enough...

One little good news must get a celebration!!!

Lots os big kisses
prima Ana