Life must be also memories

Ola,

I understood that I start to play a game of 'up and down'. Today I fall down again where the brain stop and cast off any dream of one day this be sort out. The pain was all day present in my body, even in my back, what I could not understand why. The head is also not helping because often is living in obscurity, like if it become hostage of itself. I think my anxiety only will be relaxed after I get an opportunity to speak with the oncologist, what I am still waiting for. For parts of the day I was without much energy, and the only ones that rested I was using for my bad thoughts. It is really a fighting, between scare of a bad ending and your effort to avoid this negative influences. Like if I need constantly to do something to change the course of this river full of dark feelings. It is exhausted this exercise.

Even from my hobby I am not getting any reward, i.e. the other fighting that is going in my life, against a mouse that is taking our space as its playground, he is getting self confident, and showing is superiority comparing with me. The clever animal is taking all the food from the traps without a touch in the devices , what is starting to frustrating me.