In automatic pilot

How I missed to have a morning like this, woke up full of energy. I managed to do a lot of things, essentially I felt more glad to be able to help Justyna to get ready with all the stuff to go to the Royal Free Hospital. For a while I thought it was not me who went for an operation few weeks ago. I think this mood was due to the adrenaline accumulated with the perspective of meeting doctor Tim Mayer today and make another step forward.

We arrived in the waiting room for the appointment relatively early, and if in the beginning I was calm and moderated optimistic, soon as the time flew, my anxiety and nervous also grew. We were waiting probably two hours to see the doctors and only Olivia could distracted me and take out my eyes from other patients that were waiting as well. Must of the men and women, brothers of this fight looked so weak, sometimes when the nurses asked them just to stand up to check their weight they presented so fragile almost as a Human body made of porcelain.

Only Olivia took us out from the anonymity, as she was the star, all the people and even the doctors always wanted to look on her and always returned with a lovely word.

The long waiting was only interrupted by a building site worker that was passing systematically in the way to his work, that apparently should be close. It was funny to see that man, he was bringing all the time some normality to the tension waiting.

Only after all that waiting finally I was called by the doctor, For my surprise it was not Dr Tim Meyer, but one of his registers that received us, Dr Roopindez Gillmore, fortunately after I realised how lucky we were, She was very friendly and looked a very good professional, Later we met Dr Meyer and he showed a more reserved and distant person. Therefore it was this lady doctor that for an hour explained what will gonna happen next, and how we can prepare for the cold winter that is near by. She was honest and put all the issues on the top of the table, and at this moment it is what I want, I do not want to have illusions. Of course I was scare when I notice that she was starting a serious speech and I did not know how she will finish her discourse. In the end all the strategy to tackle the Cancer is what we were expecting, They found that would be better starting to do some chemotherapy and only after consider the option of a section of part of the liver. Unfortunately this process of chemotherapy as she said cannot guarantee the shrink of the Neouroendocrine, even if there is good chances. If the result would be positive as we all are since now crossing our fingers, only after I will have an operation of the Liver. However this is a very open and flexible process, because if after the first cycle of Chemotherapy it did not work I might go for another cycle, but also if it works I could have an operation, and another chemotherapy after and again another operation. So, there is the spectre of doing more than one operation to the Liver, Really I do not mind as far I will get some quality of life in the end.

All this will start already next week, because of my claim, I want to go through this as soon as possible, I said to the doctor, Thus, next Wednesday I will have a chemotherapy suite waiting for me in the 4th floor of the Hospital, I will be admitted at 10.00Am, firstly I will have a lots of anti-sickness pills, water and only after will start the first battery of chemicals. And the sessions will finish at 5pm. The program is to repeat the four sessions at all three weeks. Next week I should do a CT scan to know from where we are starting and in the end, around December I will have another scan to compare and asses the evolution. The session is compose by a combination of three main drugs, Fluorouracil (5FU), Streptozocin (Zanosar) and Cisplantin. The chat with the doctor was centralize more in the side effects, she told us that I need to be prepared for that. The mains is:

Sickness, as nausea or vomiting;

Disrupting in the kidneys;

Shaking of hands;

Changes in the hearing;

also lowered resistance to infections;

Anaemia;

Loss of appetite;
Diarrhoea;

Risk of blood clots;

Sore mouth and ulcers;

Tiredness and feeling weak;

Unfortunately the list is longer, I only would added two more.

The hair loss looks like there is no sure to happen, it may thin but maybe I will not be completely bald.

Probably the most important issue for me is the Fertility, it is likely that this treatments could affect it permanently. Thus, in order to give one day a brother to Olivia, next week I will go to a bank of sperm to deposit some of the precious liquid. By the way I might need to appeal to my magazine Gina nr 2769 to relaxed me at this moment of self satisfaction :)

So, I have three months in front of me that I just need to take it easy, dress warmer as possible to avoid flues and colds, I am thinking to set the automatic pilot during this time,

I will see you around