Sun when I want

The Sun is shinning again, actually it always shines whenever we want, we just need to have our heart open, The bad days often are our choice. I do like to Live and to taste the smallest things of it but I confess that more and more I am feeling less and less committed with it, as if I am not the owner of my Life. I am not able to do much more demands from it. But I am not unhappy with that. It is a different perspective and also enjoyable. I am just doing my part, carrying on.

Memento

Another day, In the morning I tasted again one of those days that I would prefer to keep under the bed sheets, But Olivia and mother did not give me any chance for that. We are trying to fight the adversity with the weapons that we have, Good mood, good friends, keeping busy, drawing and painting but overall to use my weak memory that keeps my brain in the present and not escaping to the past neither to the future. Future is a word for Us that does not goes behind tomorrow, At home we are forbidden to flick the calendar for the next month until we definitely jump to the next month. Today is what we have and I do not want to lose nothing.

Endless way

Nothing is working anymore. The same routine as usual, doctor called us to the appointment to listen the news about yesterday's scan, but this time the outcome was even harder than usual, It never past through my mind. The doctor apologised few times, he was going to give me news that he did not want to give The chemotherapy did not work at all, the tumour in the Liver has increased size again but worst, there is another lymphoid spread through the body, now grown in the Lungs. This was a bomb that did not burnt me forever, and I do not know why? Sometimes I would like to feel the reality, to sense which path I am going. Apart of some cramp in the stomach the first thing I did and I do remember it was to look straight to Olivia, and I met her eyes looking for me with all the pity of this World.

I have two realities, One is the scenery given me by the doctor in an apologetic and realist way, saying the worst, and in the other side is scenery given by my body and which is faraway from all the cataclysm, I am been feeling with energy and without pain, So I need to stick with the second option. In the end I might teach something to the doctors.

The next treatment will be radiotherapy, I will need to recharge batteries and keep all the faith and hope in this new treatment as if I would start this path right now. It is the only way to go somewhere not expected.

To carry on with the day as normal as possible I needed to climb a mountain to make myself go to the Art class, and in a good time I did it as I found myself with the good times.

There is a lesson that I will keep always with me, a sacred person said once watch your mind, never give space and time to the mind to have bad thoughts, This is the fuse for the bad reality. The person which said that left Us few days ago, Sai Baba was a person which does not belong to anybody or religion, He belongs to everyone who is lucky to find him.

Back to the nursery

Olivia went back today to the nursery, In spite of what the images suggest the reports from mother and teacher says that she was great today, enjoyed playing with other kids. Slowly, I am sure she will get used to this new step. In other dimension, I had my CT scan and tomorrow I will be back to the Hospital to know the results. I admit that I already feel some nervous in the stomach. I can go thousand times I will never appreciate this moments.

I hope I will get good news.

getting hot

I am feeling better from my flu but Olivia still down with her bug, today we went to the doctor and she said that is just a matter of waiting. She behaved very well allowing for the first time the doctor to do full examination. This when the relaxing holidays are ending. Tomorrow starts the cycle, CT scan in the Royal Free Hospital to check the results of the chemotherapy and after tomorrow I will see the Oncologist to know the results and therefore the consequences, More the same mean treatments or either to rest the body. The last option is probably the most desired because it would means that the Tumours have hibernated. But to be honest the first option also does not dislike me, Nowadays I think I am addict with the drugs, they make me psychological more comfortable and secure, not alone with the Cancer. Even the Placebo makes me happy.

Desired treasure

There is something that has been happening before and during this Easter Season that is now the right time to be announced, A new star that is shinning very high and that my heart wants to scream of happiness, There is a new member of our family that arrived and who Olivia as us cannot wait to meet. After waiting so long our lovely friends Sofia and Julian have the most desired present, their beautiful daughter Samara. I am happy for them but probably even more happy for the small girl, She has the best parents in the World.

Lastly, just to comment the weird thing of Portugal and the Portuguese have been celebrating today the Day of revolution, this when it would be necessary another one.

Wielkanoc

Easter this year meant a glorious Sun in the garden and a house full of kids, Olivia had the visit of Sergio's sons and of her new cousin Nikodem. I had also the privilege to meet the Son of Adrian and Aneta for the first time. The table was the business as usual, full of tasty Polish food cooked by the artist Justyna.

Birthdays season

Easter is almost coming in through our doors, today we got our prog organized and blessed by the Polish priest. According to the tradition the eggs were painted and place with more food into a basket and then taken to the church. Tomorrow we will eat it. The day was passed in the preparations for the Easter. In the evening we come to join the Ryan's birthday party. It is always a pleasure to be in this moments with our friends. Again it was a great evening, Olivia would confirm, as she had a really good time. The week was full of birthdays, Sofia, Olivia and now Ryan.

Flu

We spent all day at home and in our garden, We are all still recovering from our flu, While we enjoyed the warm weather the bug is enjoying the warmth of our bodies. The garden looks more attractive than ever with flowers from all colours spread everywhere. Today we set up a tend in the garden to have our siestas. By the way, just to tell to all of you that we can now shelter even more friends with this new room outside.

3rd anniversary

And it come the special day of our Everything. Olivia, even if did not want in the beginning, had her birthday. She was very ill today with a cold, fever, reason not to enjoy the day so much. Again we had a proof that Olivia is not a person for big crowds, as the party was having less guests she was starting to cheering up, and in the end she had such a good fun and did not wanted to finish the day. Congratulations to our Sunshine. It was great to see so many good friends in Olivia's picnic. Just next time we hope to have a bank holiday on Princess' Olivia birthday.

Preparations for the Royal Party

For the first time I can say that I am coming back from Portugal to the Mediterranean England, with a weather typical from South of Europe the holidays looked that are just now starting. In spite of the weather, the time in Portugal was really great, we had a very relaxing days, It helped Olivia to grown up a bit more as probably for all of Us. During this period out of the Summer, Portugal has a different attitude and atmosphere, better in our point of view, There are flowers to smell and fruits to pick up everywhere and the people are more available.

But again we are back to London just in time to put up a small birthday party to Olivia, She is already sleeping so I am sure she will not check my blog and discover our intentions. The house is decked to surprise her when she will wake up, We also already set up her gift in the garden, It was with the help of a lantern. Tomorrow will be a special day for all of Us.

Search for the best spot

The cold and flu that all the family plunged today did not stopped us in the farewell from Algarve to search for the best spots in the coast, We found a wonderful one close to VilaLara, but of course we needed to go back to the traditional one in Benagil. Justyna loves so much that spot, and today the waves gave it an even more dramatic atmosphere. I have been tired all day but I believe that just now I feel some improvement, is the flu that was weakening my muscles.

Quarantine

All day we pass indoors, Either Daniel an Olivia were sick, perhaps with some cold, they had fever and blocked nose. Hopefully tomorrow both will be better.

Dream commading everything

And in the 12 last day the Sun vanished and the Storm appeared, Daniel is sick with cold and Olivia is also showing signs of the same cold. I am sure the temperature was better in England than here. But I am happy with what we have. This evening I will have my last pills of the chemotherapy, Now I just have to rest and wait. I have a strong believe that the next scan will give me good news, Perhaps the Cancer disappeared. Dream must command the Life.

Local Market

Morning we had a great experience going to Armacao Pera, local market. Even with this crises it is still very livable. Justyna loved to see and buy some local products, pees, favas, strawberries, almonds, oregon. The time in the esplanade was very relax. In the afternoon Olivia enjoyed to play with her cousin Ruben

El sombrero

I am taking extra care with the Sun, to not be even darker, nothing better than transport a hut on the top of me, El sombrero covers all the body. The day took us to a trip through the Bread Life Cycle, cooking, baking and eating. Wonderful :) In the afternoon I escaped to draw the most beautiful chapel in the Algarve, in Carvoeiro. In the evening we had the visit of my cousins Julieta and Zeca.

There is no more Super Men

Today I did not play the Super Man, I took all the pills rightly covered with anti sickness to not upset my stomach and not feel nausea. All went smoothly and we arrived safely in the Algarve. Time to review the family, and Olivia to spend time with Dani.

Lisbon Story

Day started very early, I added another set of tablets to mix up with others that I have been already taking. For this pills I need to fasting and they advised me to have it with anti-sickness to help me to deal with it, But I like to play sometimes as if I was a Super Man, so I decided to skipped those antisickness, Bad choice, I vomited after. Afterwards, I was better and the day went better, but still far from great. We said bye bye to Pajo and to his Zoo, Pataniscas and Yupy. We did again all what we wanted in another full day. Travel by boat through the Tejo from Seixal to Lisbon brought me a lot of good memories, I crossed at least a million times the river by the Cacilheiro when I lived here. In Lisbon we were another tourists, we took the Tram Master route 28 from Prazeres to the Castelo, It was as if seating down watching a movie, Lisbon is breathtaking city, it is like a dolls house, all looks so fragile, the intense light is in the edge to blind you, and the blue of the river is a beautiful brush in the landscape, difficult to not be in love with the city. But the movie was even more real when we had the opportunity to watched the bonus of the film, Justyna noticed just in time a pick pocket with his hands already inside her purse, I listen her screaming with him, He denied but it was obvious he was one of them. After, in the way back we were aware of them, and we realised that was not only one but there was a plague of thieves around. For coincidence all of them were wearing hats. After, I got distressed seeing so many ready to attack the distracted tourists and I shouted loudly that there was pick pockets inside the tram. I was happy with myself seeing all of them abandoning the tram.

After this experience we arrived just in time to have lunch with our friends Ines, Nuno and Daniela. A long time we did not see Ines, luckily we managed to meet her in between her busy trips :)

But the day was not finished yet, we had a very relaxed afternoon with my friend Henrique, the tradition still as it used to be. Just walking around it was enough to see a bit how depressed and lost this country is at the moment, The parks are without maintenance, the graffities are the best possible Art to see for free. Such a shame for Us, The people deserved much better. I need to apologise to all my citizens because I do feel kind of relief to soon be again in England, This is in spite of having the best days of my Life again here in Portugal.

The evening we went to Filipe, Claudia and Lucas' house, We had all a great time, updating our chat and laughing. Tomorrow We will find us again back in Algarve.

Good old friends

I was thinking how is it possible in just one day getting so much. I must been living in double otherwise I cannot explain to happen and live so much in 24 hours. We had a great morning picking up of the best oranges in the World from my uncles fields, It was great all the smells from the ground, brought so many good memories. After lunch we went for a journey to Lisbon to be on time to a surprise birthday dinner of my friend Sergio. The way there was as if the paradise, the landscape was covered in so many beautiful colours from the flowers, I saw so many challenges for my brushes, Next time I need to search for some of those pictures to try to paint. Arrived in Lisbon, I had Pajo to pick us up, His place in Seixal is also so beautiful. I am sorry for the lack of adjectives after this day. The diner with all the friends of Sergio and mine as well was in a great, unforgettable atmosphere.

Middle finger

Today, I thought I would not have the Portuguese nationality anymore, I went finally to do my citizen card but the machine did not recognized my finger prints. If I was not known in the place I would be reckon as a bandit. Luckily I found a finger not too prinked by the diabetes blood tests that the machine managed to read. To not vary the beach made part of our day again and this afternoon we went back to our secret spot where last summer we had some magic moments. Olivia demanded an ice cream and Justyna galao and I was happy with a toast.

Red skin

Yesterday it was me to change colour, become brown, today it was Justyna to camouflage to a red colour skin. Not only the English, but the Polish people are also the beefs. The Sun is getting stronger and the Sea and the swimming pool is where Olivia wants to be. The lunch in my uncle Arnaldo it was the opportunity to meet more family, Quinto, Jose Cabrita, Alberto and my dear Alexandre. I was also happy to have my moment to buy few books in Portuguese to read to Olivia. In London they are needed to fight against the English language.

Brown skin

The days are going by and I am under the chemotherapy, sometimes I hardly notice and also almost forgotten the time to have the pills, which is a good sign. The energies are still up, nonetheless my sugars have been very high. I am taking advantage of this good days, today we gathered all the family together and went for a day out through the coast. Just relax and do things that I used to do when I was child, play with a ball and picking up fruit from the trees. Suddenly my skin colour become even more brownish with the effects of the Sun, It will be difficult to explain to the Oncologist why :) The chemotherapy been discolouring my skin but now it is too much.