St. Justyna

The day was to celebrate, my dear Justyna has her name's day, So today for who did not know before it is the St. Justyna's day in the catholic calendar. For coincidence also the rain was away for the first time since few days though, the freezing come even without permission, We had a special meal in an Asian restaurant, nothing too much sophisticate, only shoo-me, noodles and a good time for £4. We needed to take the option for the credit crunch.

Unfortunately in the evening I left the ladies alone, I had another Painting lesson, Today I could not miss it, as it was a day of a model, It was my first experience to deal with a naked woman, in the Painting point of view of course. It is very difficult but very enjoyable as I already expected :) As you see I got distracted with the body and then I forgot about her face :)

Supernumerary rainbow

Even the Nature is now saying goodbye to us in our last days at our home, This afternoon we had a glorious view from the room, a fantastic and rare multi rainbow arose in front of us, We were confuse, if we should take our chance and run to the rainbow, and climb half way to reach Heaven and take a short break or do all the way around the arch and try to find a pot of gold that I am sure is somewhere there in the other extreme. In the end we decided to stay at home and clean the house to handover the keys this Friday.

The days are passing calm and pleasant, at the moment I am been feeling very well, physical I am definitely much stronger, and I just hope that the CT scan scheduled for this Wednesday will prove what I am feeling.

Mr Echo

The absurd happened, We already moved out our stuff but we still do not have new house, Yes, almost all our things and are a lot believe me, are now in Shuby's house.This until the new house become a reality. It was precious the help from our friends that lent us a dozen of extra hands. The dream team swept away almost everything in an hour. Thank you to Jane, Mike, John, Vasco, Sergio and Marcin. You made our life much easier.

Nevertheless and even without our things we will stay here more a couple of days, there are more bits to organize. But back home we found a new tenant, our Echo, that gain new life and independence with a non presence of much things, It sounds that our echo at the first opportunity that founds itself with more space it just come out of us losing its shyness and taking all the corners and ceiling of the new empty spaces. It is now every where joking and making fun of whatever we say, nothing can be said without its approval and subsequent repetition. I am almost mad. In fact the rooms look bigger and even more inhabitable, shame that just now we discovered that.

Vicious circle

Slowly I am getting into some habits that I already lost or forgotten, For example after 1 half year, today I had again for the first time the taste of an ice-cream. I confess I never was a person mad about sweets but nevertheless it is good to know that sometimes I can commit this sins as well. After all the surgeries the diabetes is more controlled, the sugars in the blood definitely react better to the injections of insulin, The problem that persists is the regularity that I am having hypoglycemia. But for that exist the sugars and sweets even if after I will see the other side again-High sugars, and after more insulin. It is a vicious circle that we just need to get use to it and enjoy the fun of that spin wheel.

Afraid of the scans

I know that I must get out from this crossroad, I cannot stand here in this roundabout much longer, I am too young to give up for my dreams, even if I am too old to lose myself in illusions. I become frozen in the Time, probably afraid of the future, I was thinking probably I am scare of been cured but no, the must likely is fright of the death. I have some ideas what to do, but I also know that they are only ideas or castles in the clouds, to find the way out I will need to be more brave. I will be only lucky if I go for it.

This days until 15th of December I cannot decide anything, my thoughts are all focus in the period of scans and appointments with Oncologist and with the surgeon that is approaching. I cannot avoid the nervous been building up inside me, Slightly the nights are more bright and the days more dark. I am looking for my sleep but it will not be easy to find it in the next following weeks. I suppose I am as much stress with the scans as a drug dealer that is trying to pass drugs inside the airport coming from Latina America or a Taliban infiltrating in the West.

Crossroads

The hunt for a house is now again on the ground, Olivia is our front arm and using her strong and superior smell we hope would do the difference. Today we saw one and tomorrow there is another flat to view, Hopefully the white smoke will appear in the chimney later on.

Meanwhile I am discovering Antonio Lobo Antunes, In the beginning all his non-sense looked intelligible for me but with some patience as also frustration, now I got on the track of his thoughts and I am enjoying his tricks of mixing reality and illusion, past and present. A great and very entertaining exercise of reading, We just need to leave outside all what we knew before and open everything, throat or brain for this experience. And will be a time you will feel blind without any beacon, just carry on until somewhere.

Homeless

Today we had our millionth lesson that we should never take anything for guaranteed, even wake up tomorrow morning. Yes, all looked in a good track regarding to our new house until this morning, but unexpectedly this afternoon we had a call that ruined all that. The landlord does not want to do business with us anymore. I suppose even with all the guaranties that we gave her she was not confident with the fact that we both are not working at the moment. We are now slightly down because we need to start all the process of searching house again. I gave up to think about the landlord in order to not give her too much importance. Given the short time to leave our house we are now almost homeless -this definitely would never happened because of our friends. But the race is not finished yet.

World in Blue

The days are now passing quick due to the over duties we have before we definitely move out, informing all the World about our new address is necessary. But I can always find some time to practice my additions, today I was in the mood to paint. The task was to use only three blue colors and paint a set of kitchen appliances. I am happy because I can feel a lot of improvements, I am much more relax and brave when I am going to start to paint. I always think in the beginning that I cannot do it but slowly I am taking over all the screen and enjoying all the moments. And the compliments start to come. I am a happy beginner, it is good because I do not have anything to prove.

My painting is the one over the Globe.

First to abandon the boat

This week that is coming should be our last one in this house, our things are almost all packed, hopefully our friend Mr mouse will not feel invited to come to the new house jumping inside one of the boxes. He was a good company in the evenings when I was reading, the small rodent now already bigger with the help of our small bits of food left on the floor, even if he did not show up every evening I knew he was somewhere around and biting something. He might tell with all the reason that He has the fame but it is us who are the first to abandon the boat, and unbelievably living behind himself the Mr mouse. What a disgrace.

Other challenge is surviving in the boat in this last days. It only remains unpacked one set of clothes, So during this last week it will require a hard management, Hopefully we will not need anything that is in the bottom of the box.

Livros para insonias

Finally the business is concluded, fortunately with a good end. They accepted our move to the first flat we viewed, We are very happy, It has a bigger space for us and even the price is slightly cheaper. Now is just enjoying the weekend. In afternoon I took advantage of an opening sky for a minute and I went to the park with Olivia, probably to do the farewell to this park where she past so long time while we were living here.

We also been very busy with the freecycle, because now we are packing we are also finding things at home we do not need any more, so is just giving away, It is Christmas spirit.

I am having a big exercise in hands, I am reading the O arquipelago da insonia from Antonio Lobo Antunes, Even if it is in Portuguese I might need to re-read for a second time to full understand the book. It is very tortuous to be in the author's mind, or probably is my lack of skills in this style, more poetic. It become now a challenge and is provoking me insonias.

Businessless man

This morning I had a beautiful surprise, I woke up by a friend that I have not seen for a long time, even if often I remember about her, Cristina lives in Macao and I keep wonderful thoughts about our time of students. I am glad that everything is fine with her, She deserves.

The days are showing how bad I am in the business of Business, I must be the prototype of the businessless man, each decision and contract each mistake, I suppose is because I always rely in the emotions and in whatever is come to my mind, instead of always have a night sleep over the issues. I keep saying next time I will be more cerebral but always the things turns to the worst because of my hot blood. It is regarding to the new house, now we are not sure about if we did the best decision.

Cleopatra

I have the sensation that I still need to start the day one of my new Life, After all this ups and downs and essential when I reached the downiest point, close to the Mariana Trench and some light appeared I was sure that this was a second chance of my life, Common errors ought not be easily committed anymore, a different look this eyes must gain, discover new sensations and what is behind the sensations that I knew it must be my task with who I love. But, the same as when a student pass in extremis the exam and says next time I will study in advance to pass more comfortable, I am doing the same postponing the taking of this new chance. I am still lost in small thoughts and silly anguishes and the time and opportunities are wasting.

Meanwhile Olivia's fringes should be the second most famous in the history after the Cleopatra's fringes.

Looking outside the box

The packing is on the way, Our living room is transformed in a pile of boxes with our stuff, waiting for 28th of November to move out to our new house. Our philosophy is to pack everything that moves or not, Just today I realise we should not take to the limit and be more flexible, otherwise Olivia could end up also inside a box. We need to be vigilant to Olivia do not be packed by us or by her own self.

In the evening I went to watch football with Mike and John, Finally we stamped our passport to South Africa. I was thinking to next Summer take holidays only to go to the beach but now I also will be watching football matches.

No way back

Finally the new house been found, After the sign payed there is no way back, Now is just wait for the end of the month to move in. The spaces are not as big as we wanted, but there is a big garden that will be the happiness of Olivia and some lovely parks around. We heard that there is also some good nurseries in the area what is also an advantage. Therefore the day was completely taken by the house and house papers. Only in the evening we could relax and having a dinner out with Jane. It was an opportunity to catch up our stories again and to toast to the new Home.

Too many emotions we need now to sleep and rest.

Palette of colours

Today we had a setback in the business related with the house, The landlady is prepared to accept all our conditions but only one, She does not want pets in her flat. It is cruel to drop this demand as a long time we been dreaming about that. Now we are almost in the point zero again, Tomorrow we will see another flat and after decide if we will postponed our dream for another time or not.

The classes in the Drawing and Painting are getting little better, for the first time I started to receive also praises for my works, I really enjoy all the mixing of colours, I found it like Life, as only with the three primary colours, blue, red and yellow we reached all the spectrum of colours. My mood is like that as well, There is a days that I am very sad, others rarely, very happy and even other ones, must of them, in the middle. All this mixing shows that it will be impossible to reach the same color as once before, frustration but is the color of the Life. Nothing will be the same two times.

Leon's mane

What is it Real, it should be what we can touch, only what can be seeing, or is also what our subconsciousness and feelings tells. Those are the Saint Grail of the questions that I am facing, And as I opened slowly the door for the unknown, it looked as in reality helped me to reinforce my wisdom and helped me to find answers for other untouchable questions. It is a big battle to overcame all the inferiority instincts absorbed in my childhood and boyhood that tended to be stupidly represented by some self-defenses and attitudes that I developed as a facade to cover my weaknesses. My friend John Gandhi and Alfred Adler would called this overcompensating process.

Here in the pictures it was not Henri Cartier-Bresson's camera but Justyna who caught the moment when Adrian was undertaking a serious and danger task, cutting the big Leon's mane.

Olivia decide

The day left us more close to the new house, I went there also to have a look as well as our friend Tom. In spite of I tend always to react doubtful towards any big change in my life, I think I really liked the place and just need time to fall in love with it. There was few things that we asked to the landlady provide, If this happens we might have found our new place. It has a very pleasant garden that can be a lovely home for a dog that we been dreaming to adopt for a long time :)

In afternoon as I need suffering and pain in my Life I embraced the biggest challenge, just watching the Portugal match against Bosnia Herzegovina. I witness the martyrdom with Vasco.

The caveman

The time to move out from this house is running out, and therefore the death line to find a new home is getting closer, it is exactly in 5 of December, Tomorrow with lucky we will have good news as we are going to see a flat that Justyna already saw and it looks that got the potential to be the new home for the family, so please keep fingers cross. Justyna is already tired of searching for houses and now again with all the packing.

It would be much easier if we all could live in caves like our grand-grand(...) parents once lived, we would not need to spend time and money to furnish it and of course I can already imagine how much we could afford without needing to pay for the mortgages that cleans all the money from our salaries in the end of the month. Also I cannot see any other place where we could find better climate conditions than in the underground within the nature mother and where must of us will chose to rest the rest of our days. There in the winter we would be protected from the cold and in the summer it will be always that fresh air mixed with the smell of the ground. Just perfect.

Speaking and speaking

Since today I become with a stronger ally in the fight against the tinniest being in the Earth, the virus of the Flu, and to fight him nothing better than the same bug as they have cannibal tendencies. For now the vaccine was only against the brother of the influenza A virus. The swine vaccination will come next. Having my task list full for the day I needed to run to the Hospital as I had my first appointment with a Cancer counselling in the beginning of the afternoon, The session was fine, it made me think about alternatives to bring more up my mood. There are things that I still need to learn how to cope, they will never change, so it must be me to be changed. The Cancer should take less space from my day, and for that I only have two options either I enlarge the day which I cannot see how come or shrink the Cancer issue in my live. I will try to do. A good conversation is always good and it was that what happened today.

After I had what I been expected anxious for a while, my first experience in the swimming pool of the Hospital, It was a great session, the water was warm and the physiotherapists were very helpful, Now I look forward for the next sessions. Just next time I must bring my swimming suit to do not be ridiculous been in pants like today.

Freecycle

Busy Wednesday I had today, rushed in the morning to get on time for my physiotherapy session in the Royal Free Hospital, after came back home for a short break and then back again to the Hospital, now to do a screening checking of the eyes. This is related with the diabetes and to monitor the eye loss. Fortunately all are OK in the eye. Tomorrow the day it will be again around the Hospital. Until when this, I ask?

During the day we had also been busy in our hobby, Freecycling. Thus, we collected a moses basket to give to mums in need, to help Shubhy who collaborates in this program. After we went to collect a Christmas tree as this year our Christmas season will be pass again in England. But, this trip for the tree was definitely a waste of time. The artificial tree was enormous, what make a trip on the way back funny and grotesque. Soon after we received the tree we realised it was not what we expected but we were shame to do not picked up from the friend who was giving away. Thus, we brought but we dropped close to a recycling post. The time we transported we become a target of all the looks what was funny. I just feel sorry for Olivia, that who should be a shame of her weird parents. Everyday she showing more and more signs of her independence, after she adapt her own hunt, now she refuses her bib and her preferred section in the shop is the women lingerie. We need to keep an eye on that.

No choice

I belong to a generation that grown up with the help of the father's credit card, without any specific will, Living to have the course that match the parent's dreams. In fact in Portugal there is no parent that do not dream to have a son or daughter doctor, I am sure there is not any other country in the World with such a rate of doctored for square meter, Doctors of doctor or medicine, doctors of Marketing, doctors of Tourism, doctors for all tastes.

Also I am part of those who looked for a girl friend that the friend should liked as well, the ones who found having the body that served the others but not you is enough. Generally, the exterior consent and acceptance towards me is the condition to undertake whatsoever. Because all this constraints our World is so much smaller and uglier. The room for discovers and achievements is so little because of the fear of fail and do not been looked as equal or normal for the Normalized ones. But, there is no way to escape of the fact that we all are volunteered imprisoned of each other. I cannot think how to be free and to be happy.

Dark colours

I am keeping searching for the meaning of Life, but I can only see boredom. The only alternative, like for everybody is surviving attached to the artificial artifices in order to entertain the Life before the most important and beautiful event of our lives arrive - our Death. Been for some time last year in close chatting with the Death it was enough to feel that the most peaceful and definite achievement of a Life is when we decide to embrace his arms.

You already noticed that I am not too well L. If the doctor said last week that the scares in the body healed very well but there is something that the doctors never worried, also because are not their business, I am speaking about the wound in the brain that is bleeding more than ever. Since the first doctor leaned me against the wall I never managed to come off from there. Even my teacher in the Drawing and Painting classes today mentioned why do I chose always dark colors, as it is possible to do lighter colors just adding some yellow or whiter tone, I was almost about to explain why I am keeping stuck to the dark ones. In the end of the day is where I come from.

Regarding to the Cancer, the next development it will be next month, at the 2^nd of December. I have already booked my CT scan and in the week after I will find out the results with the Oncologist and Surgeon. But meanwhile, for the mind healthy I will look for an appointment with the psychotherapist soon.

No more Walls

I cannot believe, It was already twenty years ago, I woke up late in the morning after a good night of debauch as use to be all the Friday nights and the World had changed. When I switched on the Television and saw crowds of people madly walking on the top of a wall, I become mad as well. That wall was the one that divided Berlin for more than 45 years. It will come the day that we all found out how silly it is the borders that artificially separates communities. The frontiers are also invisible walls that been set up by the interest of few ones. In the other day I was reflecting how unfair it is that, for the fact that I belong to the European community I have right for all the care and benefits from England, but a Brazilian friend because he was unlucky and born in other place he needs to live in the clandestinity and even with an hand injured he cannot afford to stop working because He is not Human Being enough to could benefit from the welfare state.

I have other reasons to hate the Walls, with them I would never met my Eastern European flower and Olivia will never bloomed.

The day was also past among the Polish community, with the friends Rafi and Kaska. It was the end of a great weekend

Bonfire

Finally it came the day that we could release the pressure over our shoulders accumulated in the last couple of weeks, The sky was clear, perfect for the party, The fireworks thanked. The Bonfire this year had a very special colour, myself managed to be painless today and we took the day out in Veena's house. We joined the tradition and went with Veena and Khrisna to watch the fireworks display in the Alexandre Palace. Olivia was over excited by the festival of sounds and colours. The party continued indoors with an unforgettable Indian meal that Veena served. Thank you for the brilliant day.