Angelina Ballerina and Henry

The day took us back to the wardrobe to pick up the warmest cloths, outside it was freezing and windy as few months ago. Girls instead picked up the ballerina dress, Because the Angelina ballerina come to visit our neighbourhood, Olivia even without dress felt as her, she enjoyed some movements of dancing wherever she went, and infected her cousin with the spirit. In the park they were a fantastic couple of dancers, tried all the equipments with such a grace. Daniel made me remember not only Henry but also Billy Elliot. So far the nibbles and constantly arguing from the last time they met looks sorted out, they are now much more friendly with each other.

A word that I have been postponed thinking that the things would be sorted sooner, but it looks that the nightmare in the petrol platforms in the USA it will keeps going without end. It is so sad the events, but more sad is the fact that we will never learn, Or better it is not a matter of all of us understand but the problems is about the System, It is in front of our eyes, hence we tolerate few of us could explore and use resources that belongs to all of us to enrich themselves and moreover leaving the cleaning and the dirty part in our shoulders, problems as this one will always comeback until nothing will be left. The only good thing in this is the fact that those Miserables will also die as the common citizen and leave the fruit of their greed behind. So sorry for them :(

Today I finished this lines at the some time as my mother finished praying through the Rosario, I missed this sensation of safety with our closest ones.

Back to Town

Great:) My mother, sister and Danny are back to Town, but not to be close to me in the hospital as before but to have fun with us, Principal Olivia and Daniel are the happiest of us. They are already having the first arguments, what is healthy and means that they know what they want, I hope I will be happy and with the same spirit also in a week time. They also been having a trip in their addiction, Fat milk, the product should be very strong and hallucinogenic as they fall a sleep straight away after they finished their bottle.

Olivia had a very happy day, not only because of having Daniel around but also because today she has the opportunity to sleep for the first time in her first own bed. Olivia before fall asleep screamed to me to not forget to say a big thank you to Nuno & Tina for their sponsoring of her new majestic bed. I cannot forget of their gesture, even faraway in USA they did not forget about Olivia.

I need also to say thank you to Sergio because it was with his help and his car that I could go to picked up the new bed and also picked up my family at the airport:)

Olivia reserved for all of us the biggest surprise of this vertiginous day, For the first time she did a pi in the potty, I witnessed this Historical day. It is a case to tell a small pi for the Humanity but the biggest urine for Olivia.

Laugher therapy

Olivia is getting use to the house always full of friends, I think it is a very good habit and also I am finding this my best therapy for my brain and increasing my strengths. Today we had Casia (not Casha) and Rafi visiting us, it was a good time for all, with good food and laugh always over the table. In the evening it was Sergio and Ryan who come to say hello.

And the house will not stop of having the best visits, tomorrow is my mother, sister and nephew. We cannot wait for the next days.

Groundhog Day

The same and the same and plus the same again, The morning confirmed what I know and I cannot do too much, that I am definitely stake in a Web without a chance to move too much, I will need what I do not have to not move out from this but to be happy in this ground. The reception of the Oncologists was more sad than ever, I did mentioned this to Justyna, It was full of sad and people that cannot pretend that they are not sick, People too much pale and too much tired to simply go to the weight to be checked their weight. The only conversation that I had with a patients daughter was frustrating to me to see their frustration, their news were severe painful, I could see in their faces.

The waiting was very long but do not increased my nervous even more because they were already on the top. But I survived to be called and go to see Dr Tim Meyer. There it came the biggest frustration. The doctor for sure has not checked my situation before, and while I was on front of him he went through the report from the last scan which took him long long minutes, During this time I only felt Justyna's hands holding mines which I responded her with a stupid smile, telling her how strong I am and I would take with the biggest normality any cataclysm, Of course this smile was only showed outside because in the interior I was feeling my heart beating and I could do the pi as Olivia use to do, in the pants. I saw so many headlines in the report and plus the big silence in the room make me thing that the worst was already a fact, In a fraction I prayed for all the Saints if any of them still could rescue me. Only after seen the doctor looking and looking everywhere in my folder and in the computer, as if he was aftering something, I got courage and asked about the results from the last scan, in the end it is the only thing important, Then he explained us that this exam was only to examine the Spleen and not all the other organs. In the time of last appointment he was in holidays that is why they did not book the exam as should be, There was a bad communication between the doctors. So now I will still need to do another exam that will give all the picture of my body and the development of the Cancer, Only with that and when I will comeback in July I will know again what I will need, if more chemotherapy, if tablets, or nothing. I just need to wait one more month to know if we can go to Portugal, He advised us to wait and do not book anything because this scan it will be important, and it is better to not run on the front of the future and results, we should be prudent. The results will tell if we can go to the Sun or not.

The only good thing from this it was the last exam that I did confirmed the nodule that I have in the Spleen is definitely not Cancer but a dysfunction from the surgery, less one spot to be worried.

After all this emotions and frustrations I did feel very down and sad again, something that I have seen before and it also because of that I must think positive and know that tomorrow I will be feeling better again, Funny was in the park with Olivia when I was in a moment of distraction playing in the climbing frame a boy came to me and asked me if I was a father or I was a man with special needs. I was without words.

Zed loves bread

Today I tried to live more intensively in order to keep my thoughts out from the appointment and news that I will listen tomorrow. As I will see the oncologist to know about the scan done it last week, depending from what the doctor will tell us then we will decide our close future, If I can go to Portugal in holidays or I will need to stay put and waiting for more treatments to control the Cancer. Thus, to not get too nervous today I tried several things. I tried meditation, I tried to go to a new place with Olivia to play with kids, this place that I found is just around the corner, We went to the park with Ronald, we cooked home bread according to the Olivia's book - Zed's bread. Olivia also is showing skills as her grandparents in the bread business. Now in the night the smell of bread is divine around the house, I already tasted the warm bread and it is delicious. After the veg that is coming out in the garden now the bread. We are really on the way to the self subsistence and the the surplus will be sell in the market in front of the house.

I confess that I am feeling very happy so it means for sure that tomorrow I will not have bad news, I will have green light to keep going.

As swiss clockwork

Here in Uk I become more punctual than an English Man, too punctual, even more then the locals, and Olivia is paying for that. Today I was planning to go with her to a Play Session to play with other kids, I was planning... the problem was that I arrived 1 hour earlier, I did miscalculate the time, when we arrived I noticed that the place was empty when was supposed to find other mates, Therefore because of the long waiting we decided to leave and go to the park. At least in the park she found her friends and could enjoy the morning. Not all was lost.

In the afternoon she wanted the compensation and she asked me for a Gelado, but because I did not had money with me I told her that I could not understand. Olivia was clever than me and she replied to me in english Ice Cream!, Then I did not have other chance than go home and give her an ice cream, fortunately we had it in the freezer. Tomorrow I will get money with me to buy one in the shop.

Today I took a decision to give up my profession of accountant, I am still registered as an accountant in the Portuguese body-OTOC, But because I do not foresee myself working in that subject anymore, then there is no point to keep paying the fees to the OTOC, So the live is again moving on. The decision about what I will do in the future it need to be rethink.

The best part of the day was past in the Library close to us, we picked up few more books to Olivia, some in Portuguese and Polish.

Lastly to say that Justyna was in the heaven today with her mark, It was very good, close to the Excellent-79%, congratulations.

New friend

The girls left and with them also went the Sun, I guess they took the good weather back to Portugal. Here it was back the cold and wind, only the birds that comes to our garden to pick up seeds left around remembers us that we still in the Spring and the physically Autumn is not around yet. To experience again the normal days I decided to cut my hair in a barber shop at the same time Olivia and mum slept. Now I am feeling more clean and lighter for the Summer.

Bye friends

It has been hard the evening, having all our friends left our home, to Brussels, to Munich and to Lisbon. The weekend together was an incredible good time for all of us, even the weather was as never, hot and dry. Not only me and Justyna are suffering and feeling the house emptier but Olivia is missing her unties :) We cannot wait to meet them again soon.

Picnic

The weekend with girls is almost finish, It was so great, We all had a very relax and joyful days, The silliness almost frozen our afternoons what was good. I think I felt at some me point the old funny Helder back. Me as all I think had a very happy time. Thank you for the visit, I will remember this days for a long time.

Girls girls

Big day, Today I feel as we been everywhere in London, This because of a wish from girls, We wanted to go to Portobello Market but they did not wanted to pass in King's Cross because of this station been so busy, something that we wanted to avoid, but we paid for that, We instead went to Moorgate but from there it was a nightmare, there was not tube to Portobello and the bus would take us too long, Then we decided to go to the closer Brick Line. It was the best choice. The day was great, with good spirit, In the night we went to Veena's house to enjoy her presence and also her food, It was lovely the evening.

I confess that I need to sometimes to escape somewhere to run away from the girls conversations, but I promise to me that I will be calm and I will forget about my wishes.

Imagine finishing the day writing this blog and surrounded by girls doing the pedicure some others speaking about hair remove or depilation. Please :)

Feeding the horse

A lot of happiness around :) Today after a big effort Justyna finished and sent the essay, Now she can rest again, At least I know that she likes to feel again this distress from the school. Throughout the day we started to receive our guests, firstly was Sofia, which brought a lot of fun but also headache, a after it was Filipa and in the night was Ana Rita, Cristina and Daniela. So the evening was hilarious with girls, I am trying to keep calm and resist to their aggressions. It is such a joy to laugh as I used to at least for a weekend.