Happy 2011

Another Gregorian year is about to turn around, Time to be positive, to set resolutions and cherish hopes for the future, that at least should last until next day in the morning.

Myself, I would very very happy if I would have a 2011 as good as the old year. Yes, What is to be happy? Is for sure subjective but also flexible. From us just expect a lots of good thoughts and wishes of a Good Year for all of You. My friend Filipe sent me this picture which I found inspiring for this day, Long and Unknown passage through the Year.

4x4 family

Walk to countryside become a hobby for Us, where there is mud, water, snow, miserable conditions, you will find us with our wellingtons and goodwill, In fact only Justyna needs to upgrade her wheels. Olivia is in the paradise in all the fields.

At home I have the sensation that Justyna is the Reason concerning to Olivia's Education and me is the Non-sense and Funny. In charge to arise the monkey and clown inside Her.

The grown up girl

The day was full, all our three had our special duties. Justyna was in charge of organizing and sending over documentation to have help for the transports, buses and taxi, essentially when we need to go to the hospital, but not only. Myself, signed to exchange Olivia's cash machine till that the Father Christmas brought, but had broken. And the executive Olivia was released to play with her friends. I am sure they enjoyed to be together again after Christmas, to speak about Santa Claus, if he had come around and which presents he brought. Amazing to see how fast the kids grow. Olivia is now more and more picking up the English, often she comes to us speaking in English, It is something that I tend to not encourage, because I know when she will go to school she will be very exposed to that.

Meanwhile, I am cracking down hard in my Polish, Olivia and Justyna have been very patient trying to teach me the language, It has been hard, looks that after a day my brain reset all and I forget everything.

Our evenings have been very quiet, We are going through a cycle of movies from Emir Kusturica, I am looking to have a therapy of laughing.

New look

There was something that I wanted to do long time ago, a radical hair cut, This is not only because of influences of the Buddhist retreat that I have been, neither because of the radiotherapy that I should put forward in the next month, I think it was only because of the sake of feel different and more clean. Often in my life and it is not only now I wanted to see something different happening in a boring Life. Small things breaks routines and boosts the moral and colour lives.

Today I had the visit of my first Polish friend in London, Marcin. I met him in my first job back to 7 years ago but I have not seen him for a year. He is a really nice friend, and always present.

Special wellingtons

We are now passing through the Christmas hangover, Olivia makes me tired just to go through all her new games, puzzles, books and paintings. She wants to have a taste of everything in a short time, It is hard for me to satisfy her ambitions :)

But at least I am very happy with my dream wellingtons, they are now my best friend, at home they become my sleepers, In the afternoon I decided to try them in the worst conditions, with snow and mud, so I went by my own for a walk through the country, The landscape was marvelous, white and white, and the air abundant, I was rejoicing. This all would be beautiful if not at half of the way I had a terrible colic, I just wanted to reach home and find a refuge in the toilets, I though I would not reach on time. Conclusion is, those wellingtons are good for walk in bad conditions but at the same time are not too good for the diarrhea. Now in the evening I am using only a thick socks for precaution.

Justyna was very busy with her clerk duties, filling up forms to apply for some help such as for transports and blue budge.

Boxing day eve

For me the Boxing day used to be past with a lot of mixed feelings, if I was very happy to go out with my new toy and gifts from the Christmas, but in the other hand it was also marked by some sadness if not jealous for those petulant kids that were coming out with their new toys. It was cars with remote control, the jersey from a preferred football team. I always wanted what I did not have it.

This boxing day it is still a mystery, such a odd name for such a beautiful season. And I even found out that the Boxing day in end this year it is instead tomorrow.

Another day very busy, I went to visit friends in other part of London, firstly we visited Rob and Sandra, a house where we lived for a while, and after in the same road we visited Kasia and Rafi. It was a lovely day.

Father Christmas in town

We had the best from the Christmas, seeing friends, laughing, eating, just making us remember how life is beautiful. The real Santa Claus was so busy distributing presents that I needed to go to the top of the road to help and pick up the bag for Olivia, this was the version told to Olivia :) And Oli cannot be ungrateful this year because he was very generous, She received the most awaited present from her letter to Santa, the till machine for shopping. I hope she will not ask me for too much money to shopping.

Yesterday, also I went to Midnight mass, it was such a great experience to listen all the endless carols.

Today Olivia was again spoiled with presents and Love in Shubhy's house. Myself took advantaged of the icy road and slide until there.

Merry Christmas

Just to wish to everybody that Lives a lot of Peace and much Love. I believe is this the way to the Freedom. Now, I will leave as the Father Christmas is almost knocking on the door.

This is the moments when the words always sounds as cliches and never tells full our emotions and what we wish to our family and friends.

Of course you know which one was my best gift....

Kisses

Confusing dreams

After last week intensive cycle of Woody Allen films (we watched more than 10 in a week) I am now going through a disorder that the specialists called Complex of Woody Allen, a terrible disease that consists in having all the nights several perverted dreams, There is No rules and borders. It is very confuse for me in the morning. I hope I will be back to normal soon, as I have already enough diseases to worry about.

The best help to improve my condition is to feel the Christmas spirit, and today we had the Christmas party for kids in Barnet, It was great, plenty of activities, presents and even Santa Claus came around. I cannot wait for tomorrow evening and see the presents under the tree, To my shame I already found the item that belongs to me, inadvertently I found a wellington boots under my bed, which I presume it is for me. I told you before that I never can wait for the day of Christmas to find my presents. Though this accident the Christmas still go ahead I promise.

Busy kitchen

This morning I had my first meeting in the Cherry Lodge Cancer Care, a charity that helps people that been affected in some way by the Cancer. It was very helpful my chat with the Macmillan nurse. She introduced me to their activities, which I will start next year, For now I will do Reiki. She also told that I can have help for transports. Essentially, she looked very Human, For me most of the time is the only thing that matters. Afterwards I found a small break to do a little Christmas shopping, out of record I bought a Father Christmas outfit. Either Olivia will be very happy or very scare. It will be my first time dressing such a responsibility.

At home the Polish Christmas spirit already is on the way, Olivia, mummy and Aneta are building up the 12 plates for Christmas eve, according to the tradition. Olivia was in charge of the Pirogi, Polish Salad, Mushrooms, and tomorrow will come the ones that all of us knows very well, the Paszczeciki, Barsz, Kapustka jochem, Grzyby z kasza gryczana, Kluski z makiem, Kompot suszu, and finally the famous zupa sledziowa. I cannot wait :)

In the afternoon we had the Christmas visit of our friend Maria, Gabriela and Joseph, Thank you for the tasty Brownies.

Winter solstice

Today happened one of the best things in the last weeks, It is just the shortest and darkest day of the year, from here it is just down hill until Summer :) We can already see the snow melting and the Sun shinning.

It is not yet Christmas but I am having already few earlier presents. When I went to the retreat in the Buddhist temple there was a piece of a plant dropped in between books, I brought home but I thought that would be difficult for Her to recover, but I was so happy to notice that it is growing and getting shape, I am so glad for this special Plant. Also Justa drew myself, I was quit happy to see myself through her eyes, I am very sexy :)

Something that makes upset is the fact of Olivia is not like me when I was in her age, How can be possible the Christmas tree be covered in chocolates and under being filled with presents for her and she does not insist and asks to open them straight way. I cannot believe. When I was child I remember when I seen any gift I needed to open, I could not do wait for the Christmas eve. In the days before Christmas I used to look and searched everywhere in the house for the gifts that my mum was hiding, because she knew how I was. In the case that I would find I was opening, and this meant that my mother would need to buy another one for Christmas.

Around Christmas time there are people that we should always think about them, those who have their birthday close to this date, Imagine when they were kids and listen all the time the some excuses: Ho I will give this gift for the Christmas and for your birthday. This people had every year such a bad time. For those who have their birthday around this days, I am with you all. Today two friends are passing through this, Filipe in Portugal and Majka in Poland.

Library in the toilet

Here we still fighting the extremely low temperature conditions, Olivia tries to warm up in her outside hut, and making cakes become the daily hobby inside in our home.

It is funny how the kids pick up the habits from parents, In the morning out of the blue I found Olivia in the toilet reading a book, This is more funny because also has been my hobby in that place at least in the last 30 years. The mood and the spirit of Christmas I feel it back again to home. I wish all of you could also have a great and peaceful days.

Full emotions

It is very difficult to explain deep emotions, but the winds have changed, probably the Arctic winds has helped. All this feelings started yesterday, I did feel deeply hurt inside, very lonely and closed in my own Mind. Frightening. Nevertheless, I started to feel grasps of happiness again (confuse I know). As if I would be too sure about my short Future, but because of that the things become easier to deal, No more doubts. So the only escape is to be happy and to be the usual Helder. If you have already tried Free Fall you would know what I am talking about, Just enjoying the fall in the precipice.

Today I am not much in the unreal World I am instead here, enjoying and also dreaming about tomorrow. The worst days are already part of the Yesterday. This journey has been going through such a sinuous road that sometimes make me think if the better thing would be to Stop but also often, fortunately most of the time I want to carry on to see the End.

Jealous, it is other emotion that I been confronted after watching some of Justyna's trunk pictures.

Snow in the Moon

The day brought an unexpected storm of Snow, I have never seen such a thing, there was snow everywhere, I planned to go to the Buddhist monastery with Shubhy and Tom for a reunion, We got there but all had been canceled, The way back took us such a long time, But it was a new experience in a motorway that looked as a small road with cars in a minimum speed. Close to home I had the session that I was in Moon, as the streets were completely empty and I only could listen the snow squeezed under my feet. Curiosity at home was to see Justyna backing half moons in the oven.

The best news come from Portugal, My friends Celia and Pedro already have another adorable girl, Mafalda has a sister, Leonor. Congratulations for the family.

Teacher

The News about the course of Justyna are out, I already gave her my congratulations, She got 75% in her last exam and also 75% in overall mark of the course. In a space of a week she enriched a lot her CV, as she also received the papers from the English Institute for teachers recognising her Polish credentials and her new status as a Teacher. She will have now much more tools to look for her deserved job. I am very happy for Justyna: My prodigious wife.

Meanwhile there were shades of snow and Sun through the day in Barnet, Straight I was in much better mood as all the family. Even the pain looked that calm down and the diarrhea is less noisy :(

The Christmas is now around the corner and is expected to be white as it should be. It will a problem only for who is travelling.

Russian landscape

In a single day I felt the Day itself and the Night, in between only a Russian Landscape in the Art lesson. I would like to know how those hormones works, Before the lesson I was feeling well, almost very happy, But back home I was feeling very down again, Only the bed gave rest to my anxiety and nervous. I also do not know if the diarrhea is the origin or consequence of the my state of mind. As who came first, the egg or chicken.

And the snow is back:)

Letter for Mr Claus

The first thing in the morning to do was finally to write a letter to the Father Christmas, Olivia with my help managed to put down the things that she wants for her and for family in this Christmas. Hopefully the missive will get to the Mr Claus on time wherever he is in the Lapland. Of course, I took advantage to ask for a lot of health for all the family, in this way looking for my interest as well. I hope the uncle will not be too offended for my request knowing that I am not anymore a proper child.

Olivia is now behaving even better because of the distress of being nice in order to have presents from Mr Claus, It is working well so far. She is now going to bed alone and failing asleep by her own, It is really a great achievement for her. Congratulations Oli.

This afternoon was wonderful to have here Vasco for our Christmas lunch and have a great cinema session, even with a heavy serial killer film to digest.

With all that I still had time to think for a while about the news in the BBC, There was ten headlines, unbelievably all were about bombs, disasters, deaths and crises, I am understanding that we never pass from the middle ages, There is not Civilization or such a thing out of the dictionaries and encyclopedias.

CV

Justyna is now preparing to update her CV, She wants to be a teacher in the next year. This makes me remember also about my CV. I came from the financial area but for almost ten years I have not worked in the field, it would be difficult to fill this gap in my CV. In fact I am not interested to work in such a field anymore. But I am sure if my CV is lacking of Academic and professional experience but is full of human and emotions experience. Somebody must value that. I still counting in a miracle which would push to be a normal person and have a job.

The evening was great in Veena's house, Essentially Olivia has always such a good time playing with Krishna and Veena.

Santa Claus around

The routine is nearly normal as possible, Morning Olivia went with me to the activities in the Library, we played to do Christmas cards and also had our gymnastic session, I was in bad shape, I could not stand for too long the exercises. Justyna is doing the shopping for the Christmas, She is also the Santa Claus.

I will leave it some links for advertisements to help Cancer Research, The Indian lady that you will see almost in the end is my Oncologist Doctor Rupinda, It is also my preferred doctor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uKIXw8DDPo&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhYmGx9q7v4&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnaeMERWpIg&feature=channel

Ginger biscuits

Definitely in the Cancer not all is bad, I would never meet and get close to some beautiful people, Since the beginning of my journey through the corridors of the Royal Free Hospital I was crossing few times with this lady, always with a simple and very captivating smile, it did not take long to us to speak and become friends, She works in the Oncology department. But today we managed to bring to light our meeting outside the Hospital as long time we were planning but never happened. It was such a lovely afternoon with Angela. Justyna and Olivia cooked the magic Christmas ginger biscuits to colour even more the day.

And Olivia has now her first Christmas gift under the tree.

Mrs Grumpy

Olivia after the chickenpox her mood is worst than ever, At least for me has been very difficult to find her smile and a nice word, She only sees mummy. I am not allowed to hold her hand or have her kiss. I guess it was the illness that over spoiled her with the pats from mother. I will need to try harder to conquer again her hand and kiss.

The evening it was full the house, It come my friend Sergio but also Justyna's cousin family come around, Olivia did like very much Igor, It was the only human being which she did not say to go away. It was lovely to see them playing and communicate in Polish.

Spotless

A week after and Olivia was liberated to go out again, The chicken-pox is now part of her immune system but dormant. At home we hope nobody will appear with the spots in the next few days. The Winter is more mild again, until when we do not know. The Christmas is close and we are now trying to see our friends before that, The problem is the calender because we cannot extend it

3 years and 1 day

The Life has been so busy that we are forgetting some important events, Do you believe it that we both forgot about our wedding anniversary? 3 Years, it is not too long time ago to excuse our memory lapse. It has not been Justyna's mother and the day would have past in blank. Then we had our post-celebration today with John, Jane and Maria. Of course Olivia is also part important in this Love story. She was already present in the ceremonies 3 years ago, and soon she will find out that, I am already scare of her severe judgement:)

Tonight we will carry on with our marathon of Woody Allen's movies, It is good for the spirit and mind. It is good to know that there are people even more complicated than ME.

The gas I pass

It has not been easy to go over this, I just want to be in bed and sleep all the time. My mood keeps down, and probably because of that and the nervous I am been also with pain in the abdomen, Probably muscular, or probably just from my Mind. It is amazing how the news and then how the brain feels can affect all physic. Last week, I did not have any pain but straight after seen the Doctor I am complaining with pains. Let us give some time to my mood arise again.

If the Mood is down but already the Farts are better than ever, It is not a surprise for me to find myself alone and isolated suddenly after this gases comes out without asking permission, are really difficult to explain their environmental and social impact. Nevertheless I am not alone on this, Olivia is also skillful in this area considering her size.

The book that I am reading to Olivia finally releases me from my complex of guilty because it states to not hold the farts as your stomach might hurts

Check

I am trying to keep cool to look for the best move to escape to another Check, I confess this one was unexpected. But, I already escaped few others before, some almost mate. Again, I have the hope that the story will be the same and again I will avoid the Checkmate. Olivia is practising with me to help me to not forget what to do, For now it is the basic things, but I think are not neglectable, at all.